There are severe social consequences to housing shortages in cities and only the government can solve these problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In current society, the housing shortage is a serious problem in urban areas
due to
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a
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apply
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rapid population growth.
Although
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the
government
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's role in
this
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issue is vital, I disagree that the
government
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is the only one that
solve
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solves
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housing
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the housing
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shortage. I believe that the private
sector
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and individuals play
the
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apply
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critical roles
to improve
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in improving
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the situation.
To begin
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with, there are many
houses
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left empty and waiting for
rennovation
Correct your spelling
renovation
. The
houses
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constructed in the late 1800s are severely damaged
due to
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insufficient maintenance and
remained
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remain
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idle in some areas. The private
sector
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should develop a strategy to
rennovate
Correct your spelling
renovate
these areas regardless of the financial benefits to the companies. Even though some
rennovation
Correct your spelling
renovation
renovations
may cost
higher
Correct word choice
more
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than building a new house, the importance of providing
adequate
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an adequate
the adequate
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number of
houses
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to citizens outweighs the financial burden.
In addition
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to that, some
weallthy
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wealthy
celebrities possess multiple
houses
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to lend
for
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to
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tourists.
This
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creates the situation that residents can not own
houses
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but foreign visitors stay in nice
houses
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. These celebrities should release some of the
houses
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for local residents. I admit that the
government
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should play
the
Correct article usage
a
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central role
to address
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in addressing
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the housing crisis
,
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apply
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since they have the sole entity to manage the
government
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land.
For example
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, they can sell some plots of national land to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private companies for development. The involvement of the
government
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,
however
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, would be limited, as the housing
sector
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is mainly supervised by the private
sector
Use synonyms
and controlled by wealthy individuals.
Consequently
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, they should be the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
to deal with
housing
Add an article
a housing
the housing
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shortage.
To sum up
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, the
government
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certainly plays a part in addressing the housing problem, more interventions should take place in the private
sector
Use synonyms
and some individuals for tangible change.

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task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or explanations to enhance the clarity and strength of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, helping to improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structure to enhance the overall fluency and readability of your writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, making a strong case for the involvement of both the government and the private sector.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines the main argument and sets the tone for the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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