IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large outdoor parks and squares. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

It is
of
Change preposition
apply
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popular opinion that the
majoraty
Correct your spelling
majority
 of cities and towns
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
 places for
people
Use synonyms
 to gather outside like
parks
Use synonyms
. I agree fully with
this
Linking Words
 statement
people
Use synonyms
 need more outdoor places because not all
people
Use synonyms
 have backyards anymore.
People
Use synonyms
 need outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 to get together and play with their
children
Use synonyms
 and exercise. There are many parents of small kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have small apartments with no backyard or outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 anymore. Youngsters are forced to sit inside. They do not have
space
Use synonyms
 to move and build the important muscles that need to be built for their physical development and growth. By developing more
parks
Use synonyms
 parents would have a
space
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 to be active ride their bikes, swing, slide and build their gross motor skills
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are important for their
overall
Linking Words
 development.
Therefore
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
implementing these facilities
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not only provide a
space
Use synonyms
 for residents to come together as a family and relax but
also
Linking Words
 improve
children
Use synonyms
's development in the future.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I would like to add
parks
Use synonyms
 and squares are
also
Linking Words
 a place to come together and socialise. Families and friendships have become smaller and a great deal is because of the lack of
space
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 would have closer families if they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a place to go to
that is
Linking Words
 free and interesting.
People
Use synonyms
 sit indoors and brows on their phones
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much or watch television
with
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 can have negative consequences on their physical and mental health. By getting out
Families
Replace the word
family
show examples
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
 and friends are made
therefore
Linking Words
 there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 less depression and obesity. In conclusion,
parks
Use synonyms
 are
such
Linking Words
 a benefit to society
children
Use synonyms
 will improve in school academically by moving and building muscles and it would lower health problems
that is
Linking Words
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
 I am all for large outdoor spaces to be implemented and maintained.

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language
Ensure to proofread to correct spelling errors such as 'majoraty','aquire', and 'brows'. This will enhance the clarity of your essay.
content
Consider adding more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, mentioning certain parks or community programs can strengthen your argument significantly.
coherence
Try to connect your ideas more fluidly with linking words. This helps in creating a more coherent argument throughout the essay.
content
You effectively emphasize the importance of outdoor spaces for children's development and social interactions, making a clear argument in favor of parks.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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