IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I disagree Popular
events
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as sporting occasions are held
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year. These sporting
events
Use synonyms
 may be Football
World
Use synonyms
Cup
Use synonyms
,
Cricket
Use synonyms
World
Use synonyms
Cup
Use synonyms
 or Olympic Games. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
Cricket
Use synonyms
World
Use synonyms
Cup
Use synonyms
 is held
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every four years and
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
 Games as well. The opinion of these popular sporting
events
Use synonyms
 essential in
relief
Replace the word
relieving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
tension
Use synonyms
 and releasing patriotic emotions have to be throve away because in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 and from the past few decades we
couldn’t
Verb problem
haven’t
show examples
see
Wrong verb form
seen
show examples
such
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tension
Use synonyms
 relief. We can take the
Cricket
Use synonyms
 to give many more examples to support
this
Linking Words
.
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Asian
countries
Use synonyms
 like India,
Pakistan
Use synonyms
,
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
 and Bangladesh, are holding
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
events
Use synonyms
 like
Asian
Correct article usage
the Asian
show examples
Cup
Use synonyms
. Because of the political problems between two
countries
Use synonyms
 of India and
Use synonyms
Pakistan
Add a comma
Pakistan,
show examples
this
Linking Words
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 event
s
Correct your spelling
is
 mostly held in
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
 or Bangladesh. The reason for
that is
Linking Words
 neither
Indian
Correct your spelling
India
show examples
 nor
Pakistan
Use synonyms
 agreed to make a tour to both
countries
Use synonyms
.
Same
Change the article
The same
show examples
 type of situation arose in
2011
Correct article usage
the 2011
show examples
Cricket
Use synonyms
World
Use synonyms
Cup
Use synonyms
. The host was India, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all the matches played by
Pakistan
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 played in
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Pakistan
Use synonyms
 didn’t want to
played
Change the verb
play
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Indian grounds
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
security issues.
Same
Change the article
The same
show examples
 type of
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
 arose
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
Sri
Use synonyms
Lanka
Use synonyms
 and Bangladesh, fans were fighting
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media and it created
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 tense situation between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
. Most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 in
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
 games
also
Linking Words
, powerful
countries
Use synonyms
 in the
world
Use synonyms
 fight to
beats
Wrong verb form
beat
show examples
 each other and sometimes
un-ethical
Correct your spelling
unethical
show examples
 ways come
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action.
Linking Words
Then
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 political
tension
Use synonyms
 creates between the
countries
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 these
details
Add a comma
details,
show examples
 we couldn’t agree with
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 opinion that we have discussed above. Sometimes these sporting occasions are the reasons to
creates
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 those tense and patriotic emotions. Because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the political ideologies and the battles between
countries
Use synonyms
carries
Correct subject-verb agreement
carry
show examples
 international
tension
Use synonyms
 always, with a small spark it will
be exploding
Wrong verb form
explode
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 depending on the
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of the players. Some of them are
carring
Correct your spelling
carrying
 their political or
contraversal
Correct your spelling
controversial
 matters to the field and they become aggressive
while
Linking Words
 doing the sport.
That is
Linking Words
 not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sportsmanship. But somehow
due to
Linking Words
 these
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
show examples
 we can’t consider international sporting occasions are
relief
Replace the word
relieving
show examples
 the international tensions or releasing patriotic emotions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction presents your disagreement, but it could be clearer. Consider stating your position more directly at the end of the first paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should link smoothly to the next. Use linking words to enhance the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Some points need further development. For example, you could elaborate on how sporting events might, in theory, relieve tensions, as well as how they can exacerbate them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences contain grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'these sporting events may be Football World Cup, Cricket World Cup or Olympic Games.' can be rephrased for clarity.
Task Achievement
Try to ensure that you fully explain the examples you provide. For instance, elaborate more on why the Cricket World Cup was affected by political tensions regarding the venue.
Task Achievement
You've provided specific examples related to cricket and the Olympics, which helps to illustrate your points.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear opinion throughout, which is a strong aspect of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: