IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In developing countries, rural children have less access to education.some people say that this problem is solved by providing teachers and schools. Other think that computer and internet should be provided. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In developing countries, remote children are not accessible to education. Some
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 believe that
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues can solved by providing
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and tools.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that teachers and locations
provided
Add a missing verb
are provided
show examples
. Personally,
this
Linking Words
 claim
is support
Wrong verb form
supports
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
,
ther
Correct your spelling
there
 are reasons to elaborate as follows. No one can deny that teachers and tutors
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 played a crucial role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
enhances
Change the verb form
enhance
show examples
 child cognitive and
also
Linking Words
 their abilities.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only see student safety but
also
Linking Words
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
 social,
communication
Correct word choice
and communication
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, and even law
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, children in
suburbs
Replace the word
suburban
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
quality educational institutions seem delighted
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and establish a fantastic path to
ahiving
Correct your spelling
achieving
 their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it is obvious that technology
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 one of the most essential things in daily life. The majority of teenagers have their own phones, computers, and
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 might harm some physical features of students, it
is provided
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 excellent
sources
Correct the article-noun agreement
source
show examples
 of knowledge and
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
 on online and social media.
For example
Linking Words
, lots of teenagers easily find
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
 by using phones and
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
, seeing experiences even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 are in rural locations. As the result is seen,
personally
Change the word
personal
show examples
accesible
Correct your spelling
access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 technology may
much
Add a missing verb
be much
show examples
 more
benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 to remote areas both gaining their knowledge, experiences, and path to success in the future.
Hence
Linking Words
, giving them
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is the best way to ignite their abilities, future,
aptitude
Correct word choice
and aptitude
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 teachers can
enhances
Change the verb form
enhance
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 cognitive and
proficient
Replace the word
proficiency
show examples
 skills, access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 benefits to their future.
Whereas
Linking Words
 social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 gained from professors, strong
dated
Replace the word
dates
show examples
 from social media is a
Correct your spelling
necessary
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 path
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 success

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coherence and cohesion
Clearly structure the essay into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a single point. This will enhance clarity and flow.
task achievement
Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the key points made in the essay and explicitly states your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to express your ideas. This will improve both clarity and the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, indicating personal preference towards internet access for education.
task achievement
Some relevant examples are provided, particularly regarding the role of technology in education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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