IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

“Do teachers play a more crucial role in education than internet access in rural areas?”

In developing countries, remote children are not accessible to education. Some communities believe that these issues can solved by providing the
internet
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 and tools.
While
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 others argue that
teachers
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 and locations are provided. Personally,
this
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 claim supports the
internet
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, there are reasons to elaborate as follows. No one can deny that
teachers
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 and tutors have played a crucial role in all institutions because they can enhance child cognitive and
also
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 their abilities.
In addition
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,
teachers
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 not only see student safety but
also
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 teach social, and communication skills, and even law .
For instance
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, children in suburban areas that have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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quality educational institutions seem delighted and establish a fantastic path to achieving their goals.
However
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, it is obvious that technology is one of the most essential things in daily life. The majority of teenagers have their own phones, computers, and
also
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 the
internet
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.
Although
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 the
internet
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 might harm some physical features of students, it provides an excellent source of knowledge and education on online and social media.
For example
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, lots of teenagers easily find themself by using phones and applications, seeing experiences even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 are in rural locations. As the result is seen, personal access to technology may be much more beneficial to remote areas both gaining their knowledge, experiences, and path to success in the future.
Hence
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, giving them the
internet
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 is the best way to ignite their abilities, future, and aptitude.
To conclude
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,
while
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teachers
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 can enhance
students
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students'
student's
show examples
 cognitive and proficiency skills, access to the
internet
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 brings benefits to their future.
Whereas
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 social skills gained from professors, strong dates from social media is a necessary path to success

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task achievement
Make sure to develop your argument more thoroughly by providing clearer examples and elaborating on your points.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement in your writing.
task achievement
You have included relevant points regarding both the role of teachers and the importance of the internet in education.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is a good practice in essay writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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