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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
this
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 technological era, the
age
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 difference between
parents
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 and their
children
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 has been increasing day by day compared to a few decades ago. Despite some advantages of
this
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 trend, I would argue that they are outweighed by their disadvantages. On the one hand, there are definitely several advantages to having a significant
age
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 gap between guardian and their
children
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.
Firstly
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,if
parents
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 are financially stable, they can provide better education and healthcare for their
children
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.
In other words
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, financial security allows
parents
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 to afford high-quality schooling and medical care, which may not be possible for those struggling financially.
Secondly
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, older
parents
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 have more opportunities to gain parenting knowledge by attending workshops and babysitter seminars. Nowadays, many people lack a proper understanding of effective child-rearing practices.
For example
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,
according to
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 a survey, around 40% of new
parents
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 attend childcare courses to prepare for their upcoming baby.
However
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, there a many downsides to
this
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 trend.
On the other hand
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, there are several drawbacks to having a significant
age
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 gap between
parents
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 and
children
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. A large life difference can lead to disagreements
due to
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 varying life stages.
Parents
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 and
children
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 may have contrasting interests, and older
parents
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 might disapprove of the modern trends their
children
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 follow.
This
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 can, in turn, provoke conflicts.
Additionally
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, parenting styles vary across generations. The approach of older
parents
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 may no longer be suitable for today's world.
For example
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, they may be overly protective or too strict with their
children
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.
This
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 can lead to misunderstandings and
further
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 tension. In conclusion,
while
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 the extensive experience of
parents
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 can benefit some aspects of a child’s life, the disadvantages of a substantial
age
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 gap outweigh the benefits, as it often results in conflicts between
parents
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 and
children
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.

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task achievement
Consider developing your ideas further in the body paragraphs. For instance, you could expand on how financial stability specifically impacts education and healthcare with more examples.
coherence and cohesion
Try to include a clearer transition between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. This will help in guiding the reader through your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and outlines your stance effectively, which is a strong way to start your essay.
task achievement
You used specific examples, like the survey about childcare courses, which adds depth to your argument and helps to illustrate your points clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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