IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these viese views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
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 claim that it is better to provide all
data
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 in scientific research, the business world and the educational world.
However
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, others suggest that there are some significant
data
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 that shouldn't be propagated freely.
This
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 essay will discuss both sights and will give a statement. On the one hand,
information
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 about science, business and academies should be enabled
for
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to
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 everyone. Because
such
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data
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 assist
people
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 with filling the pieces of knowledge about the whole world, which can be extremely essential for the
population
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.
For example
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, some scientific articles can be written about toxic creatures on the earth, there can be shown
the
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apply
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pictures of them and
also
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 some main points about their poison.
Furthermore
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, if
people
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 faced these animals or even were bitten by them they would know how to act in
such
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 cases via scientific articles.
On the other hand
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, there is some
information
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 that shouldn't be used by humans freely.
In other words
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, some
data
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 can be harmful or dangerous for the
population
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, if the
population
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 don't know how to use it.
For instance
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, my
friend
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 read the biography of one businessman, where it was said that for success the businessman sold his house and purchased bitcoins
instead
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.
Consequently
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, my
friend
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 decided to do the same
due to
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 delusion about success,
however
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, the cost of coins suddenly fell down and the
friend
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 lost both, the house and money. So in some cases, the
data
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 can be dangerous for humans. In conclusion, some think that the
data
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 about everything should be used by all humans, but others believe that it is better if some
information
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 is hidden from the
population
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. In my opinion, it would be better if the
information
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 was shown without any restrictions because it would help
people
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 know something important and collect the experience, even in the case of my
friend
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Attempt to use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance fluency and interest.
task achievement
Clarify the main ideas in each paragraph to strengthen the support for your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Examples provided help to illustrate key points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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