IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that each country and city in the world needs to afford enough outdoor public spaces
such
Linking Words
 as squares, parks or gardens . I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, and in my essay, I will explain the reason behind
this
Linking Words
 opinion. Gardens and squares are significant
places
Use synonyms
 for different outdoor activities that could promote physical and mental health well-being.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can practice multiple exercises that help them to remove any kind of stress
as well as
Linking Words
 improve their general health.
For example
Linking Words
,in a study done in Saudi Arabia to evaluate the impact on
people
Use synonyms
 who daily visit the local gardens for running or doing yoga in 2024 , researchers found that more than 50% of the visitors agree that it helps them to be relaxed
as well as
Linking Words
 they find it is an easy and free way to control their weight.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, public outdoor
places
Use synonyms
 create methods to build a social life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, squares and parks visitors will consider these
places
Use synonyms
 to communicate with the public to make friends or spread important information.
For instance
Linking Words
 , if companies want to raise awareness about climate change, they can use these spaces to reach to large number of the population .
As a result
Linking Words
 , many
people
Use synonyms
 will cooperate with them to prevent the progress of
this
Linking Words
 problem and they will start collecting money for advanced research. In conclusion, all towns and cities need to focus on building public outdoor
places
Use synonyms
 for the citizens. Those
places
Use synonyms
 will help in reducing the number of mental and physical diseases.
In addition
Linking Words
, the idea of socializing and meeting a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 in one place helps to raise awareness of a variety of topics.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider breaking up longer sentences to improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate a bit more on your ideas in the body paragraphs to fully support your main points.
task achievement
Include a more engaging hook in your introduction to draw in the reader.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic directly, presenting a clear opinion on the importance of public outdoor spaces.
task achievement
Your use of an example from research adds credibility to your argument regarding health benefits.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public outdoor spaces
  • community events
  • social cohesion
  • community engagement
  • quality of urban life
  • physical activities
  • public health and wellbeing
  • environmental benefits
  • reduce pollution
  • urban wildlife
  • aesthetic appeal
  • inclusive access
  • economic benefits
  • local businesses
  • tourists attractions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: