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Writing Samples
Band 5

Problem and solutions of sharing information on internet.

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One of the most noticeable trends of today's digital era is the way
people
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 share information on the
internet
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, thanks to the advancement in technology.
While
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 it has numerous benefits
such
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 as engagement and entertainment, it
also
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 raises several consequences. The essay will present the major issues associated
to
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with
show examples
 the problem and suggest possible solutions to mitigate them. At the onset, there are a number of concerns caused by sharing information on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social websites. The most considerable is the risk of privacy breaches. Many individuals unknowingly disclose their personal data on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media, making them vulnerable to cybercrimes
such
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 as identity theft and financial fraud.
For example
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, hackers can misuse their personal details
such
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 as phone numbers, bank credentials and
adresses
Correct your spelling
addresses
, leading to
seroius
Correct your spelling
serious
 problems.
Moreover
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, another main concern is related to spread the
misinformation
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of misinformation
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.
As due
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Due
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do
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to
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 the lack of strict regulations on digital platforms, anyone can post any wrong or false content on
the
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apply
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digital media, which can create confusion and unnecessary stress among
people
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.
For instance
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, during COVID-19 many health
advises
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advice
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 had originated unnecessary fear among individuals.
However
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, to address
this
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 problem some effective steps must be taken. The primary one is that
people
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 should
parctice
Correct your spelling
practice
practise
 responsible
internet
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 use by avoiding oversharing data on the
internet
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 and
use
Wrong verb form
using
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 strong privacy settings on social accounts.
Besides
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, the
governements
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should make data protection laws and enforce strict punishments for hackers.
Additionally
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,
people
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 should be
digital
Change the adjective
digitally
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 literate, which can
further
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 help them to differentiate between credible and unreliable sources. In conclusion, from what has been discussed above I can
conclud
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conclude
 that
although
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,
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apply
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 several
problem
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problems
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 have been created with the advancements of the
internet
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such
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 as privacy-break and fake news, still the authorities and citizens can minimize them by inculcating some daily practices of learning the
internet
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that ties back to the thesis statement in the introduction.
language accuracy
Make sure to check spelling and grammar, as small errors can affect the overall readability of the essay. Pay particular attention to words that are commonly misspelled, such as 'serious' instead of 'seroius' and 'practise' instead of 'parctice.'
task achievement
In the conclusion, ensure it provides a clear summary of the main points discussed in the essay, without introducing new ideas or phrases like 'I can conclude.' This will strengthen the overall completeness of your response.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies and discusses relevant problems related to information sharing online, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable and helps in maintaining overall clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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