IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work that with their children To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answers.

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, socialism is very essential part of everyone's
life
Use synonyms
.
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days teenagers are facing issues
in
Change preposition
apply
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mixed up with their daily
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 because of their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 most of the person busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
As per
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective unfortunately
this
Linking Words
 is true and
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
 threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the young generation. I will discuss both of the points in the
forth coming
Correct your spelling
forthcoming
show examples
 paragraphs with relevant
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
. First and foremost, everyone wants to make good friends to make their
life
Use synonyms
 better but nowadays,
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation facing
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
interect
Correct your spelling
interacting
 with people
due to
Linking Words
socialize
Replace the word
social
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 because their
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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 hectic
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
on
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at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and they are not able to give proper attention to their
children
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 and they are not
are
Change the form of the verb
being
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 able to spend quality with their loved one's.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, because of that sometimes, youngsters
hesitates
Correct subject-verb agreement
hesitate
show examples
 to share all things with their
parents
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 and
due to
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
their introvert
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introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 nature they
are facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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to share
Change the verb form
sharing
show examples
 things with their friends and loved
one's
Correct your spelling
ones
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
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 are working hard to give
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 to their
children
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 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that their loved
one's
Correct your spelling
ones
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 always enjoy their
life
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 in their childish
time
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 and focus on their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 if their
parents
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will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not do hard
work
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 it is really hard to
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 era.
In few
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Few
show examples
 companies have deadlines
projects
Change preposition
for projects
show examples
 they have to submit projects
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 limited
time
Use synonyms
 because
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 that they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
hardly spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
 but they are doing
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 better future. To
be conclude
Change the verb form
conclude
show examples
 that,
work
Use synonyms
 is important for everyone's
life
Use synonyms
 but
Become
Wrong verb form
Becoming
show examples
 social Is
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 part of daily
life
Use synonyms
 to
become
Verb problem
make
show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms
 smoother and enjoyable so
parents
Use synonyms
 should try to give quality
time
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing the opening statement for clarity. Begin with a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences to guide the reader. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will enhance the clarity of your arguments and strengthen your overall response.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to enhance readability. For instance, correct the phrase 'their loved one's' to 'their loved ones'.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents a clear opinion, which is essential for task achievement.
task achievement
You explain the impact of parents' work on children's social interactions, which is relevant to the topic.
task achievement
You have attempted to present arguments for both sides of the issue, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parental absenteeism
  • Youth delinquency
  • Social development
  • Work-life balance
  • Family-friendly policies
  • Substance abuse
  • Mental health issues
  • Influencers
  • Mitigate
  • Interventions
  • Quality time
  • Family dynamics
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Alternative care
  • Behavioral problems
  • Social services
  • Parent-child interaction
  • Civic engagement
  • Peer pressure
  • Digital parenting
What to do next:
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