IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people support modern developments in agriculture such as factory farming and creation of new types of fruits and vegetables. However, other people oppose this view. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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It is undeniably true that industrialized farming has become widespread in
the
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apply
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recent years. Some people concur that
this
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 is the best method to fertilize different types of
food
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,
while
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other
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others
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 argue that it has severe ethical and environmental consequences. The essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. At the onset, there are a plethora of reasons why modern
technique
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techniques
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 of farming
is
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are
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 beneficial. The top-notch concrete reason is that it will mitigate global hunger. As the population growing rapidly, the
food
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 demand is
also
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 upsurging. With the help of vertical
farming
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farming,
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 it is possible to grow
food
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 in large
amount
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amounts
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 and in more varieties in a short
peroid
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period
 of time, which directly supports
to
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apply
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the problem of
food
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 unavailability.
Moreover
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, factory farming allows
to
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apply
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modern agriculture techniques
such
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 as genetic modification and artificial feeding, that can lead to
increase
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increased
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the
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apply
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food
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 production and reduce the risks of famine.
Additinally
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Additionally
, at
present
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present,
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 it has become possible to grow unseasonal fruits and vegetables throughout the year
becuase
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because
 of new scientific methods which made
easy
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it easy
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 to grow
hot
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in hot
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 temperatures in the cold tropics. Needless to say, all these merits have a far-reaching impact on the entire society.
However
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, what is half full for some, may appear half empty to others. Critics,
on the other hand
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, consider that
this
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 process of farming is not only dangerous for animals but
also
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 for human health. The animals are often kept in the
concide
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coincide
concise
concede
 place under stressful and unnatural
condition
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conditions
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, leading to unethical concerns about animal welfare.
Besides
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, farm animals are given
steriods
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steroids
 and antibiotics to grow faster, which
also
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 enter in
human
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the human
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 body when they consume animal products
such
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 as chicken and beef and exacerbate health issues .
Addtionally
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Additionally
, it may have
detrimental
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a detrimental
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 effect on the environment too as inside farming contributes
in
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to
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 deforestation, water pollution and greenhouse gas emissions. In my point of view,
although
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,
upgraded
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the upgraded
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 way of farming has brought numerous benefits including
food
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sustainabilty
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sustainability
, still its drawbacks outweigh the advantages as it is harmful
for
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to
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 the
overall
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 community. In conclusion, what has been discussed above I can certainly conclude that a balanced approach to
maintain
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maintaining
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food
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 security and living
organisms'safety
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organisms safety
 is crucial in the matter of
latest
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the latest
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 method of farming.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines what both perspectives are, perhaps by succinctly stating each side's stance. This will help set a clearer expectation for the reader.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more examples to support your points, especially on the side of modern agriculture. Specific examples, statistics, or real-life instances would greatly strengthen your arguments.
language use
Pay attention to spelling errors and minor grammatical inaccuracies, as these can detract from the overall clarity of the essay. Proofreading would be beneficial.
task achievement
The discussion of both sides of the argument is balanced and thorough, which is commendable. You clearly outline the benefits of modern agriculture while also addressing the drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, and it offers your personal opinion clearly, which is a good practice.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • factory farming
  • genetic modification
  • sustainability
  • biodiversity
  • economic growth
  • animal welfare
  • food accessibility
  • high productivity
  • cramped living conditions
  • health risks
  • ecological imbalances
  • pest resistance
  • ethical issues
  • crop yields
  • environmental conditions
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