IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many believe that individuals can do little to improve the environment. Only government and large companies can make a real difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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In today’s fast-growing world, It is believed by someone that saving the
environment
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 is not an easy task for individuals only,
this
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 requires an enormous contribution of government officials and multinational organizations. I agree with the statement because large establishment exploits resources unimaginably.
This
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 essay elaborates on the notion in detail with some relevant examples. Governments are the best option to be considered in case of handling the
environment
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. There are a number of reasons behind
this
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.
Firstly
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,it would be convenient for municipal corporations to manage the
environment
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 because they keep sufficient funds to take care of our natural resources.
Moreover
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, they collect overwhelming taxes from the general public, they cannot refuse to look after the
environment
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, and it is a duty
of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to follow. Significantly, Being a powerful identity, it is way easier for them than individuals who have limited accessibility and money.
For instance
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, the government have the capability and enough resources to form different
environmental saving
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environmental-saving
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 establishments and launch numerous programmes which can protect the
environment
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.
Furthermore
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, people are aware of how big organizations
such
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 as Gucci, Parada, and Louis Vuitton, use the
environment
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 for their personal purposes.
In other words
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, they take a lot from natural habitats
such
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 as cutting trees, killing animals for their skins, and
using
Verb problem
apply
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making profits.
Additionally
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, Protecting the
environment
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 can
also
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 assist them in gaining customer loyalty, which might help to gain additional benefits for their business.
To conclude
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, I firmly believe that government and large organizations should take the responsibility of protecting the
environment
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 than
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 because it would be easier for them to manage as they have sufficient funds and power

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task achievement
The introduction presents the argument well, but rephrase 'is believed by someone' to something like 'Some believe' for clarity. Ensure the thesis statement clearly outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
While the paragraphs are structured, checking for minor errors can enhance clarity, e.g., 'their personal purposes' could be rephrased to 'their profit motives' for more precision.
task achievement
In your examples, especially mentioning brands like Gucci and Louis Vuitton, clarify their environmental impact more explicitly to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay effectively emphasizes the role of government and large organizations in environmental protection, providing a solid framework for your argument.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples, such as specific companies, adds credibility to your claims and engages the reader.
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