IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisions where relevant . Vu Huyen

The pie charts show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisions where relevant . Vu Huyen
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The two pie
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
show examples
 illustrate how household spending was distributed in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, healthcare expenses accounted for the lowest proportion of household expenses in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 nations.
While
Linking Words
 Japanese
households
Use synonyms
 spent the most on other commodities and services, Malaysian
households
Use synonyms
 primarily paid for housing. Looking at the graph from a detailed perspective,Malaysian buyers allocated a generous 34% of their spending to housing, which was 11% higher than that of
Japan
Use synonyms
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the proportion of
households
Use synonyms
paid
Correct pronoun usage
that paid
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 for transport in
Japan
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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doubled the number in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
.In terms of food , the fraction of
Use synonyms
Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
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 families was 24%,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 was slightly higher , at 27%. As for healthcare, which accounted for a minimal share of household spending in both countries, Japanese
households
Use synonyms
 paid twice as much as Malaysian
households
Use synonyms
. In
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with
Japan
Use synonyms
 , which occupied 29% of
total
Add an article
the total
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 average outgoing cost, the fraction of
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 constituted a less slight percentage of 26%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia, households with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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