IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectanccy is encreasing. do ypu think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages ?

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There is no denying the fact that we should improve the
care
Use synonyms
 of medical to live a long
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 without
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
While
Linking Words
 it is a
commonli
Correct your spelling
commonly
common
 held belief that we have to make our medical better, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument
opposes
Correct pronoun usage
that opposes
show examples
 it. In my opinion, I consider that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 is invaluable to make our ages increase.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there is a faith that to decrease
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 in our bodies we should improve our medicines.
In other words
Linking Words
, a lot of
cure
Fix the agreement mistake
cures
show examples
 we create
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 would prevent many
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 problems in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the more
care
Use synonyms
 we get, the better
way
Correct article usage
the way
show examples
 we act.
For example
Linking Words
, various cancers are faced by some types of medicines which were made many decades ago. Another point to consider, we should
care
Use synonyms
 about childhood routine to obtain a healthier life in the future. it is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that if you want to show your sixty, see your youth.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
vaccinatios
Correct your spelling
vaccinations
vaccination
 from childhood are so
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to fight several
illes
Correct your spelling
illnesses
 when they happen to us.
For instance
Linking Words
, the people who took a flu vaccination when he was a
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
,
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
stroger
Correct your spelling
stronger
 actions to infections . In
conclucion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, despite people having
diffirent
Correct your spelling
different
 views, I believe that a healthy life
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be a result of medical
care
Use synonyms
 development.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity and fluency of your arguments. Stronger topic sentences would help guide the reader better. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
language
Ensure grammatical accuracy. Pay attention to spelling errors and sentence structure. This will greatly enhance the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that directly illustrate your points, such as statistics on life expectancy or specific health improvements due to medical care advancements.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion in your introduction, which is essential for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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