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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, adults are living with their parents after graduating or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In a few countries, it is common for
people
Use synonyms
 to live
along with
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 their parents even after completing their education and
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 after having a job.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 approach and present my opinion. On the one hand, living with family can be highly beneficial for grown-ups in many ways.
Firstly
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, financial advantages are more because there will be no home rents, food expenses and unnecessary
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
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, which helps them to save their salaries.
Moreover
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, it assists them to save their money for future needs and to start a business to earn more money.
Additionally
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, living with elders helps us in many ways
such
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 as it gives social and emotional strengths, which are crucial in today's living life. In our country,
for example
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who still live in joint families have more mental strength and lead a happier life compared to those who live far away from
families
Correct pronoun usage
their families
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, staying with elders may have some drawbacks
such
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 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of freedom, personal growth, and less exposure
with
Change preposition
to
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 outside
people
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. Nowadays most
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
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 are not willing to stay with families after getting a job
due to
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 family conflicts, which affects their mental health and
also
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 career growth.
In addition
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, staying in
such
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 homes can increase stress, anxiety and depression. In Manchester,
for instance
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, a survey conducted in 2024 revealed that
people
Use synonyms
 who live alone have more opportunities to expand their social circle and knowledge. In conclusion,
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although
Correct word choice
apply
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living with and without parents has both benefits and drawbacks,
such
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 as financial and emotional advantages
as well as
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 less social exposure, personal growth, and limited freedom. Ultimately, the decision depends on the individual's ability.

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coherence
Consider reducing the length of some sentences to enhance clarity. Simplifying complex ideas can make your argument more accessible.
coherence
Make sure to clearly outline how the points in each paragraph directly connect back to the main question.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes the main points more explicitly to strengthen your closing argument.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which is a key part of the task.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and illustrate your points well, adding depth to your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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