In a number of countries, some people think it is necesarry to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views.

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In several countries,
while
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some individuals believe that
high wage
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high-wage
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investments should be made
for improving
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to improve
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the fast train systems, others argue that the money should
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
be spending
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for
Change preposition
on
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advancing the existing public transportation. In my perspective, even though fast
trains
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emphasize great importance, improvements in public transportation are a must as the population increases and
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
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to issues as
such
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environmental pollution. On the one hand, fast
trains
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are highly beneficial and efficient.
Also
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, it can be used as an alternative to planes. To illustrate, travelling from one city to another can be costly and it can be difficult in terms of time management.
For instance
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, travelling by plane requires several strict regulations
such
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as being at the airport early, no allowance of liquids and utilization of technological devices.
In contrast
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, fast
trains
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are a lot more advantageous since they are more practical. People from Europe can be given as a primary example. They do not only use
trains
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to travel to different cities but they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
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use them to travel between countries.
On the other hand
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, excessive reliance on private vehicles is rising day by day
due to
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the setbacks of public transportation. People choose to use cars as it allows more privacy and time management. Most of the time, public vehicles are considerably crowded , especially during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work hours.
Therefore
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, it is unavoidable to rely on individualized cars.
However
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, it
also
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poses significant risks to the environment like air contamination and carbon emissions.
This
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increase can contribute to catastrophic issues
such
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as degradation.
Thus
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, it is crucial to enhance the transport systems. In conclusion, despite the fast train's beneficial effects, I believe that improving the already existing public systems should be prioritized since enhancements can be positive for both citizens and the ecosystem.

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Task Response
The introduction could benefit from a clearer roadmap of your main points. This sets a structured expectation for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors such as 'should be spend' (should be 'spent') to improve clarity.
Task Response
Ensure that examples are fully explained to showcase their relevance to your argument more clearly.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both perspectives effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear language has been used throughout the essay, making it easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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