Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences.Other,however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Society always develops dramatically with advanced experience and liberal thinking, but it
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
the reason for the problems in the community
such
Linking Words
as crimes. That’s why citizens say longer
prison
Fix the agreement mistake
prisons
show examples
can reduce the risk of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people think there are other ways
more effectively
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
to
replace
Correct pronoun usage
replace it
show examples
.Two aforementioned views will be discussed thoroughly in the following paragraph before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. Penitentiary is the most popular choice to punish and many people think
this
Linking Words
place prevents crime. They live in an isolated space and take
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
to fix mistakes. They work hard
like
Change preposition
in
show examples
farming,
manual
Correct word choice
and manual
show examples
production from morning to night. Those solutions help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society avoid dangerous criminals and concurrently restore social order. For disadvantages, criminals can have many diseases and cause health decline because they do not have enough
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, when prisoners expire in prison, they hard to access
the
Change the word
their
show examples
present life. On a different view, people think of many ways to punish prisoners.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
, In
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Germany,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
a prison reform program through art. Criminals will join courses
such
Linking Words
as music,
painting
Correct word choice
and painting
show examples
to develop skills. The performances
regularly
Add a missing verb
are regularly
show examples
organized in order to reduce stress.
This
Linking Words
solution is
in contrast
Linking Words
to the above plan because they can social reintegration. Citizens believe
this
Linking Words
way can change the character of prisoners and reduce the crime rate effectively. In my opinion, I feel the second more humane plan. They not only punish but
also
Linking Words
practice their talents, and change the minds of those who make society fear. In
concluding
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, around the world, there are many designs and spaces to improve social personality and each person has
personal
Add an article
a personal
show examples
opinion but
finally
Linking Words
just to help the community better.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline your opinion and the points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs logically connect to one another to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and support them with explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure to enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument regarding crime reduction, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your second perspective provides a unique example that helps illustrate alternative methods of reducing crime.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • incapacitating
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • underlying issues
  • desperation
  • community service
  • mental health support
  • reintegration
  • prevention
  • offenders
  • punitive measures
  • support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: