IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many believe that living in a city offers greater benefits compared to life in the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals think that living in urban areas is much more beneficial and better than staying in suburban places ,as it can impact people's improvement in education and health.
This
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 essay will agree with the statement and will discuss it before presenting my own perspective.
To begin
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 with, moving to cities can help individuals in educational development .
That is
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 to say, in the towns, there are a lot of schools, colleges, universities and
moreover
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, a wide variety of educational programs and choices, which are essential for academic success. So it would be a great opportunity for student's civilisation.
For instance
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, research conducted by Cambridge University has shown that the majority of families moved to metropolitan for developmental purposes.
Furthermore
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 , there is another significant potential for town life access to superior healthcare services. So cities have many well-equipped hospitals, skilled doctors, and modern treatments,
while
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 it is really rare to see high-quality pharmaceutical companies and products.
For example
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, the interview was taken and recorded for the program New News with an ordinary woman, living in the countryside, who discussed a topic of great concern to her healthcare. She stated that there were not enough essential medicines available and requested the construction of a high-quality hospital and pharmacy. In conclusion, whilst staying in the countryside has its good sides, being in an urban environment gives more chances for work, medical help, and learning. In my opinion, both sides have their merits but it is more qualified to stay in citywide because of the improvement and civilisation.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to outline your main points more effectively. For example, explicitly mention the two main benefits of urban living you will discuss.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific details and examples, particularly in your arguments. Using varied sources or statistical data could strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
In your paragraphs, ensure each one has a clear main idea and flows logically into the next. Try using linking words to improve the logical transition between ideas. For example, instead of 'furthermore', you might transition with 'In addition to educational opportunities' to make your flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify your conclusion to restate your main argument and make it stronger. Instead of just mentioning both sides, reinforce your preference with a more nuanced explanation of why urban living outweighs rural living.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear arguments in favor of urban living, which is a strong foundation.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cosmopolitan
  • commute
  • sociocultural
  • prosperity
  • sustainability
  • rural
  • tranquility
  • urbanization
  • relocation
  • residential
  • populace
  • ecological footprint
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