IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that the government should support artists like musicians, painters, and poets, while others argue that this is a misuse of funds. Discuss both views and give your own opinion ideas

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No one can deny that some individuals believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
such
Linking Words
 as musicians, painters and poets,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer to think that
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
Correct article usage
a totally
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totally
Change the word
total
show examples
 waste of money. It is important to admit that both views have their own
benefits
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will
disscuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 the possible reasons that
supoort
Correct your spelling
support
 each view, and what
benefits
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 they bring to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. On the one hand, the option to think
that
Change preposition
about
show examples
 why
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must be supportive
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
arts
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such
Linking Words
 as painters, because it
benefits
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society for many convincing reasons. Most importantly,
Use synonyms
Arts
Correct article usage
the Arts
show examples
 can boost
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 economy by attracting
the
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apply
show examples
tourism and creating jobs for citizens. The Perfect example to illustrate
this
Linking Words
,
Add a missing verb
is, "Saras
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"Saras
Correct article usage
the "Saras
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 Mela" Heritage Festival which happens every fourth
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
creates
Correct word choice
and creates
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 80%
revenue
Change preposition
of revenue
show examples
 for
Government
Use synonyms
 through the exhibitions and Tourism. Another key reason is that
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 way to preserve
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 values through generations and it can be only possible when
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
funding for
such
Linking Words
 cultural activities. Amritsar in Punjab museum is the best example of the
presevation
Correct your spelling
preservation
 of
Arts
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, it is
also
Linking Words
 important to mention that if
Correct article usage
the govenment
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govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 helps
such
Linking Words
aritist
Correct your spelling
artists
 they can
genrate
Correct your spelling
generate
 good ideas, which would
definatley
Correct your spelling
definitely
Use synonyms
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is very important for
Correct article usage
the goventment
show examples
goventment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 to support the
arts
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 so it can be fruitful for
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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 to represent it
internationaly
Correct your spelling
internationally
.
On the other hand
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, despite the above argument,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 choose to believe that high authorities should raise funding for other activities that have
also
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its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
advantages for obvious reasons.
Firstly
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, Education. healthcare,
infrastructure
Correct word choice
and infrastructure
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 are
main
Correct article usage
the main
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addressing
Verb problem
apply
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problems nowadays, so raising funding for artists can
be
Verb problem
put
show examples
fanacial
Correct your spelling
financial
fanatical
 pressure
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
government
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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, Artists can be responsible for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 growth
while
Linking Words
 depending upon the funds of
Correct article usage
the govenment
show examples
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
.
This
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 can
leads
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lead
show examples
independent
Change preposition
to independent
show examples
 skills and can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
enhance more power of
exolpring
Correct your spelling
existing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things and generate
the
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apply
show examples
new ways to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their hobbies in many ways.
Thirdly
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,
this
Linking Words
 subjective nature of
arts
Use synonyms
 funding can lead to disagreement
for
Change preposition
among
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 some taxpayers, who may
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 that
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 totally unfair
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
hard earned
Add a hyphen
hard-earned
show examples
 money. In conclusion, it seems to me that public funds should be used in
appropriate
Add an article
an appropriate
the appropriate
show examples
 way just
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 broaden the
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
 to give them
place
Add an article
a place
the place
show examples
 where they can show their artistic creation with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
careful consideration.

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coherence
Try to maintain a clear logical structure throughout the essay. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting points. Consider using clearer topic sentences to guide the reader.
task achievement
Your essay covers both views and presents reasons and examples to support them, which is a positive aspect of task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural diversity
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • trickle-down effect
  • national pride
  • artistic independence
  • government funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • compromise integrity
What to do next:
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