IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle

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Many towns and cities in our world are overfull with people,
moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 causes a big part of problems with work or living. In general, issues
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 no workplace or how to find a house in overpopulated
areas
Use synonyms
 can be solved by offering more opportunities for rural society by
government
Correct article usage
the government
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. The main cause of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 problems
are
Change the verb form
is
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 bad facilities in rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, people want to live a good life with better conditions, but they are not able
because
Fix the infinitive
to because
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 they do not have good accommodations. There are villages in our country where we cannot find fresh water, healthcare or grocery stores.
As a result
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,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 are obligated to go every day
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 urban
areas
Use synonyms
 for living tools and other goods.
Also
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, most of the teenagers decide to move
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 cities because it can offer them more educational opportunities.
For example
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, one of my friends recently moved to a big city because in her village she could not find a good school for her future. Today she is a student at a good school and has access to everything she needs. A solution that will solve
this
Linking Words
 problem is to help small rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and invest in their conditions. In brief,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should give more money for
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
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 and invest in society. They can open schools,
shops
Correct word choice
and shops
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,
Correct word choice
and building
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building
Wrong verb form
build
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 more hospitals and health
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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, especially in underserved regions.
In addition
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, they can give loans and grants to help start or grow local businesses, particularly in non-agricultural sectors like tourism, manufacturing, or service.
For instance
Linking Words
, Niscov village in Moldova was supported by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 with investments in infrastructure and received social and educational services. In conclusion, we can reduce overpopulation if we and
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 will use initiatives that will help slow down the migration trend and will allow the village to retain more of its population, especially among younger residents.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing or restructuring the introduction to clarify the specific problems caused by overpopulation more explicitly. This could ensure that your argument is clearly laid out from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear link between the solutions proposed and the problems identified, possibly by using transitional phrases to enhance coherence between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points made in the essay, reinforcing the relationship between the problem and the proposed solutions.
task achievement
You have identified relevant problems related to overpopulation and provided specific solutions, which demonstrates an understanding of the task.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as your friend's transition to a city for education, adds personal relevance and connects to the larger issues being discussed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strain on infrastructure
  • public services
  • overcrowded
  • inadequate healthcare services
  • pressure on educational institutions
  • environmental impact
  • increased pollution
  • waste management
  • destruction of green spaces
  • natural habitats
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