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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph and the chart below show the number of students choosing different kinds of courses in a university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and the chart below show the number of students choosing different kinds of courses in a university in 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar chart illustrates the amount of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and females selecting dissimilar types of
feilds
Correct your spelling
fields
 in a university in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Social sciences has the highest amount of students for both genders.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Womens
Correct your spelling
women
 show more
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
 in health and humanities compared to men.
While
Linking Words
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 are more attracted to other
felied
Correct your spelling
failed
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
enguneering
Correct your spelling
engineering
 and science and math.Both of the genders show no
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
 in agriculture. It is shown that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
4000 female
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 chosen to study social sciences which has the
highes
Correct your spelling
highest
 number of
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, health subject has nearly the same amount as humanities
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 with a slight
Correct your spelling
difference
diffrence
Correct your spelling
difference
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 about 200
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
,
On the other hand
Linking Words
,males are
also
Linking Words
 more
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in social sciences with almost 2800
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
,Enguneerind comes
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 second place
due to
Linking Words
 men.Science and math
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more students compared to humanities with almost 1300.
Moreover
Linking Words
,they are not attracted
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 both
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 and agriculture which they come
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
last
Linking Words
 place for them.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words student with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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