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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that schools should only teach children subjects which are beneficial to their future career and therefore others subjects such as music and sports are not important To what extend do you agree or disagree

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Many people think that schools should teach only students which is related to their higher studies.
However
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, having an extracurricular education
such
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 as Instruments and physical development is not mandatory. I completely support having extra activities to develop their personal growth. To commence with, helping groups of people to their subjects relates more beneficial to their development.
For example
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, If the children study science in Schools, have regular exams conduct tests frequently, and implement ideas by taking a tour of the hospitals like veterinary, and science clubs will definitely improve the students for the higher level, and it will be more helpful to understand experiments.
Moreover
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, they are able to clear the interview and easily get the placement of their dream jobs. Recently, In Iran, scientists have proven that if schools
focused
Wrong verb form
focus
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 only on subjects the youngsters will be depressed, and they cannot focus on their future goals.
For Instance
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, If they want to be more active they have to learn some additional classes sports will keep them physically strong they have more energy to do more tasks and challenges.
Moreover
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, Music classes will keep them mentally and emotionally feeling better, and they
are
Wrong verb form
will be
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 able to memorise better than others. In Conclusion, my personal experience studying lots of courses will make a person special, because after my office
hours
Add a comma
hours,
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 I am able to teach music classes to others, and I am able to make a second income
also
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 am always fresh and free.

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coherence and cohesion
Enhance clarity by structuring your paragraphs more distinctly. Use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and ensure that each idea flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Make your stance clearer in the introduction. You should explicitly state the extent to which you agree or disagree with the prompt.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention how specific extracurricular activities have helped individuals or reference studies that support your claims.
content
Your enthusiasm for extracurricular activities is evident throughout the essay, which adds a personal touch.
content
You have a clear conclusion that connects back to your personal experience, making your argument relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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