IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

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In
this
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 contemporary world, most
people
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 are not appreciating
art
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 and its cultural importance.
Art
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 is a great way of
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story telling
Correct your spelling
storytelling
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 and representation of ancient customs and traditions.
Today
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, many
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people
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people's
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interest
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interests
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 are shifted towards science and technology
due to
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fast paced
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fast-paced
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 lifestyle.
Moreover
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, individuals lack
patience
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the patience
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 to enjoy the
artwork
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 because of
increase
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the increase
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 in short-term
entertainments
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entertainment
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in
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on
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 mobiles. The prime reason for
today
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's generation not getting involved in
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artwork
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the artwork
an artwork
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 is
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 lifestyle. Some
people
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 consider
art
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 as an outdated form of cultural representation.
For example
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,
today
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 anyone can create oil
painting
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paintings
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 or sketch
drawing
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drawings
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 through artificial intelligence and it looks more beautiful than traditional
artwork
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.
Moreover
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,
museum
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museums
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 and galleries are in a state of extinction
due to
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 virtual reality
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story telling
Correct your spelling
storytelling
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. Most of the ancient
art
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are
Wrong verb form
was
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 created to tell the
story
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 of
particular
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a particular
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 community but
today
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 cinemas are advanced with visual effects and
recreates
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recreate
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 the
story
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. So,
people
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are
Verb problem
have
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 shifted towards modern cinema rather than handmade
art
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.
In addition
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, short-term
entertainments
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entertainment
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such
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 as
30 seconds
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30-second
 reels or shorts from
Youtube
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YouTube
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 and Instagram are watched by most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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. Most
people
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 are facing hectic work
schedule
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schedules
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 and
lacking
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lack
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 time to visit museums or street artworks.
As a result
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, they want to spend time on social media in their homes. Governments should encourage local artists by providing incentives and space to work.
Furthermore
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, awareness should be created especially
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
today
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's children through the textbook. Introducing cultural importance and heritage through
artwork
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 in school plays a significant role in
art
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 development. Instilling the importance of
art
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 in early childhood creates curiosity and interest in students which might turn them
as
Change preposition
to
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 pursuing
art
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 as their career in future. In conclusion, the main reason for nowadays
people
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 not appreciating
art
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 is lack of time
due to
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 workload and improved technological advancement for entertainment. To tackle
this
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, implementing
art
Use synonyms
 subjects in schools and governments providing incentives and help to local artists can
rejunuvate
Correct your spelling
rejuvenate
 artworks.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the main argument and outlines the points you will discuss in your essay.
coherence
Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate what that paragraph will be about.
task achievement
Try to support your points with more examples or detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence
Make sure to proofread your work to catch any minor grammatical errors and improve clarity.
task achievement
You have recognized a relevant shift in societal values and effectively discussed how modern lifestyles impact art appreciation.
coherence
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay, bringing a coherent closure to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic growth
  • STEM subjects
  • Job security
  • Financial success
  • Pragmatic
  • Utilitarian pursuits
  • Art education
  • Inclusive
  • Engaging
  • Contemporary society
  • Social issues
  • Environmental themes
  • Digital platforms
  • Virtual museums
  • Interactive art
What to do next:
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