IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that upbringing of child is responsibility of a mother. Others say this responsibility lies with father. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is often argued that
mothers
Use synonyms
 are the
parents
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 who should be responsible for the
kids
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others advocate that
both
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parents
Use synonyms
 must be dedicated to their
children
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. Since the mother has natural caring, they have a more natural
relationships
Correct the article-noun agreement
relationship
show examples
 with their
children
Use synonyms
,
however
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,
children
Use synonyms
 might feel a lack of
father
Use synonyms
's love. In conventional opinions,
fathers
Use synonyms
 are responsible for bringing finance to the household. I firmly believe that
both
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parents
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 should be participants
while
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growing
Verb problem
raising
show examples
children
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. On the one hand, from the starting day of pregnancy,
mothers
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 feel a profound bond with their
kids
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. Even
Use synonyms
mothers
Correct word choice
though mothers
show examples
 give all of their love, some
kids
Use synonyms
 rely on their
father
Use synonyms
's attention. A recent study indicates that
fathers
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 have almost the same influence on their
kids
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 as
mothers
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 have. So, researchers suggest that
both
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 mother's and
father
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's attention should be on the
kids
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. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in primary schools in the USA. It is a very common attitude to call
both
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parents
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 for family and kid days. In
this
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 event
parents
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 spend time with their
kids
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, they play games so they enhance their bonds with each other.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, someone had to work to bring some money. In traditional family structure
fathers
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 are responsible for allocating finance to their families. A hard-working
father
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 can be exhausted so he may not be able to spend time with their
kids
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.
However
Linking Words
, money stands out as one of the significant materials for a good future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they hard work to provide sustainable and reliable later life to their
kids
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. Research, conducted by Stanford University, indicates that
kids
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 who grew up in poor families tend to conduct crimes, particularly stealing.
According to
Linking Words
 that family wealth plays a crucial role in
children
Use synonyms
's development. All in all,
although
Linking Words
 wealth provides a good future,
fathers
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' attention is still more important for
emotional
Correct article usage
the emotional
show examples
 evolution of
kids
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. I strongly support the idea that
both
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parents
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 should care for their
children
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly state the writer's opinion in a more direct manner, making it explicitly clear which viewpoint is favored.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transition between ideas in some paragraphs to enhance clarity and flow. For example, using linking phrases can help connect the points more smoothly.
task achievement
Include additional examples or data to strengthen the arguments presented, particularly in relation to the importance of both parents' involvement in child upbringing.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view and attempts to discuss both sides before giving a personal opinion, which is good practice for this type of task.
task achievement
There are some relevant examples provided, like the study from the USA about primary schools, that add credibility to the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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