IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In every developing and developed
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
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, the rich and poor
people
Use synonyms
 are separated based on their salaries and
assests
Correct your spelling
assets
. But in
few
Correct article usage
a few
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countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 earn more salaries compared to the others. Some
believes
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believe
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 that it enhances the
country
Use synonyms
's economy and others argue that the government should pass legislation to balance the
income
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differences
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and give my opinion. On the one hand,
people
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 who earn a huge amount of monthly
salary
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pays
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pay
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 more
income
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 tax which increases
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the country'
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country'
Change noun form
country's
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 economy.
For example
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, US citizens
pays
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pay
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 20 percent of their
income
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 as a tax and it is used for
welfare
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the welfare
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 of the poor
people
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's health
insurances
Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
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 and infrastructures of the
country
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.
Moreover
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, they
also
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 pay house and road tax for purchasing land and
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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.
By increasing
Change preposition
Increasing
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Individual's
Correct article usage
an Individual's
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 Gross Domestic Product
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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also
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rise
Verb problem
raises
show examples
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 economic stability. A recent study from California University found that 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of Californian individuals are getting higher
income
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 and their
happy
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happiness
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 index
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 great compared to other states.
Furthermore
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, highly paid
people
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 are less prone to serious crimes which helps to reduce crime rates.
On the other hand
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, imbalances in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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salaries can lead to
decline
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a decline
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 in
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 rate because
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
 fees are high nowadays and some
people
Use synonyms
 are not affordable with less
income
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.
Moreover
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, huge
salary
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differences
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 between
people
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 can create confusion and challenges
to face
Change preposition
in facing
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cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 of living.
Furthermore
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, it can lead them to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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 in criminal activities to feed their families.
For instance
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, most of the
people
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 in
somaliya
Correct your spelling
Somalia
 are involved in smuggling and burglary
due to
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 poor financial conditions. So, the government should pass legislation to lower the
differences
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 between highly paid and
low paid
Add a hyphen
low-paid
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 citizens. Implementing laws
such
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 as fixing minimal and maximal wages can significantly reduce these
salary
Use synonyms
differences
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.
Additionally
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, governments should properly utilize
taxs
Correct your spelling
taxes
tax
 and spend
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 for the welfare of
underpriviledged
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
people
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. As
as
Correct your spelling
a
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 result, crime activities could
are
Wrong verb form
be
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 lowered. In conclusion, even though there are some huge
differences
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 in
salary
Use synonyms
 between
people
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, with the proper government regulations
this
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 partiality can be overthrown.
In particular
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, fixing minimal and maximal wages for every profession prevents illegal money saving.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the clarity and flow of your arguments to strengthen your logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main points.
task achievement
Include a broader range of examples and explanations to support your main points and enhance your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well for the discussion by indicating that both sides will be considered, which is a strong point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth inequality
  • economic growth
  • motivation
  • talent acquisition
  • consumer spending
  • tax revenue
  • redistributing wealth
  • market forces
  • income disparity
  • social stability
  • freedom of choice
  • meritocracy
What to do next:
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