IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products any ware in the world. Is it a positive or negative development?

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In contemporary society,
people
Use synonyms
 evolve their preferences
according to
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 recent trends, so they buy the same products and
this
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 reduces the differentiation among
people
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. I profoundly believe that it is a negative development since it leads to discrimination against
people
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 who have different choices.
Additionally
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,
this
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 attitude tends
people
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 to exclude poor
people
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 since they can not afford these items. On the one hand, proposed standardization requires a certain amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to spend,
however
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, it may not be possible to spend that
money
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 for many
people
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. In poverty,
people
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 can not spare
money
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 for luxury products.
Therefore
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, it causes the exclusion of these
people
Use synonyms
 from the community, just because they are not able to buy trend items. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in many high schools, sometimes teenagers can be very ambitious so they constantly follow recent hot trends.
Nonetheless
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, some students have lower welfare, and because of that others exclude them even
while
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 playing a game.
Thus
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, many
people
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 are not able to make friends because they are not able to spend
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 standardized goods.
On the other hand
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, society is prone to discriminate
different
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against different
show examples
people
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, because they are not used to
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
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human
Add an article
a human
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 who thinks non-identical. Bodies who buy the same product look exactly the same as each other, in
this
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 case, they are familiar with their look,
nevertheless
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, they are not familiar with others.
For example
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, in Germany, many teenagers rely on
Gothic
Correct article usage
the Gothic
show examples
 style.
Hence
Linking Words
, they are frequently discriminated
in
Change preposition
against in
show examples
 their schools by other students. Sometimes even teachers treat different to them
.
Rephrase
differently.
show examples
This
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 instance clearly states that some
people
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 are hardly discriminated
by
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against by
show examples
 the public. All in all, the consumption of identical products leads to some severe social problems across society. The most affected groups of
this
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 problematic issue are the
people
Use synonyms
 who live in poverty and who think differently.

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task achievement
Try to clearly outline your main arguments in the introduction. This helps in guiding the reader on what to expect in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on paragraph development. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea or topic sentence, and that all supporting sentences clearly relate back to this idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance your writing style and make your ideas more compelling.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion regarding the topic, which is important in IELTS essays.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the reference to high schools and Gothic style teenagers in Germany, add relevance to the arguments made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural homogenization
  • local traditions
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • economic benefits
  • uniformity
  • consumerism
  • individuality
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • dominance of brands
  • artisans
  • economic disparities
What to do next:
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