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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that upbringing of child is responsibility of a mother. Others say this responsibility lies with father. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is argued that some people think that the
mother
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 is responsible for raising their child ,
while
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 others argue that the father is responsible . I believe that all
mothers
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 must take care of their kids . In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides and give my opinion . On the one hand , some argue that children should be looked by
mothers
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 not
fathers
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 , for several reasons one of them is
mothers
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 by nature can deal with the kids kindly and nicely more than
fathers
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 ,
for instance
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 , a survey has shown that 70 of people believe that
mother
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 have the ability to raise their children effectively because of they are more patient and empathic , which enable them to deal with younger people .
In addition
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 , most
mothers
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 do not have a job
as a result
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 they have plenty of time to focus on their kids
On the other hand
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 , some believe that
fathers
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 play a significant role in their kid's life . Because of the qualities they have and they must take care of because they are
fathers
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 , even though they have to work hard , still responsible for them ,
such
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 as going with them to school, feeding them , assist them with any difficulties ,
for example
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 , when the father works for 7 hours they still can look after their children , if the manage there time they would have time to that .
To sum up
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 , after analysing the two views , I believe that the
mother
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 should be responsible ,
however
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 , not the whole thing on the
mother
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 , still the father's role is essential .

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coherence and cohesion
Consider restructuring the essay to improve the logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph should clearly support its main point and connect to the overall argument.
task achievement
Make sure to develop your ideas further by providing more in-depth explanations and examples that illustrate your points.
language accuracy
Work on grammar and phrasing for clarity and accuracy. For instance, phrases like 'looked by mothers' and 'the responsibility lies with father' should be revised for correctness.
content
The essay presents both sides of the argument clearly, which shows an understanding of the topic.
structure
The introduction clearly states the intention to discuss both views and provide a personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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