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Writing Samples
Band 5

Society now has the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world, due to the improvement of automation. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Society today permits us
with
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apply
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the
freedom
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 to
work
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 and live anywhere in the world, thanks to the rise of automation.
In other words
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, automation has enabled us to skip redundant and machinery
work
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 and save a lot of
time
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 for us,
therefore
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 allowing us to have more
freedom
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 in our
life
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lives
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.
This
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 essay will examine both advantages and disadvantages and conclude my opinion. One of the main advantages we enjoy from the
freedom
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 to
work
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 and live anywhere we like
are
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is
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 that we can live a life as we wish.
For example
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, with automation, you can spend more
time
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 with your family or
beloved
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loved
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 ones, because it can spare you the
time
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 for simple and repetitive
work
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.
Moreover
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, it can allow us to create new values
to
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for
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the
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apply
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society that will enrich our well-being by utilising our
time
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 in more creative ways. If we are able to have more
time
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 contemplating how the world could be better rather than being busy with
mandane
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mundane
 and boring
work
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, it will
definetely
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definitely
 open a new door to a more comfortable and convenient life.
In contrast
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, there are disadvantages
in
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to
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 the
freedom
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 of working and living anywhere. People tend to move to a more convenient and enjoyable place so
obviously
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obviously,
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 urban areas get denser and denser in population, which will cause the environmental
polutions
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pollution
pollutions
 and
the
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a
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 rise
of
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in
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 living fees.
In addition
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, if we have the
freedom
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 to
work
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 anywhere, some industries will be in danger if they cannot hire enough people to run the business or pay enough wages to the employees.
For instance
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, traditional
articrafts
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art crafts
artic rafts
 are usually not a popular job and it takes years of training to be able to create the
work
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.
Thus
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, those industries are unfortunately in danger and we are losing our traditions. In conclusion,
although
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 there are unbalanced population distribution in the country and
loss
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the loss
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 of some cultural
industry
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industries
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, the
freedom
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 to
work
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 and live anywhere we like gives us great satisfaction
in
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at
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 individual levels.
At the end
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 of the day, the most important thing is whether we had a good day and I believe our
freedom
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 and
the
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apply
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productivity outweigh the disadvantages.

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task achievement
Consider revising your thesis statement to clearly outline the main points you'll discuss in your essay, as this helps guide the reader effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use transitional phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are well-explained and directly related to your argument to strengthen your essay's support of the main ideas.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which is essential for this type of task.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for your discussion, giving a clear indication of what will be covered in the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • remote work
  • globalization
  • flexibility
  • cultural exchange
  • job market
  • unemployment
  • economic disparity
  • collaboration
  • work-life balance
  • employment opportunities
  • technology access
  • social inequality
  • traditional workplace
  • interpersonal skills
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