IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jail, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent to hospital. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Drug
Use synonyms
 addiction is the most important issue nowadays, it's very dangerous to some public who think that if they deal with the
drug
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 addicts or send them to prison, it will be a better solution
to
Change preposition
for
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 society. Other
people
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 explore that should be treated in a healthy way like putting them in a hospital. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both perspectives: of how to deal with
drug
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 addicts as criminals so that cannot hurt anyone, and the other idea of treating them as patients to make their society healthier. I will
also
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 share my opinion, supporting the advantages of sending the
drug
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 addict to a hospital. On one hand, some individuals believe that it's better to send those who they are addicted to jail, when they take a lot of
drugs
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,
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apply
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 because they think if treat these
people
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 as criminals, they will not
be impact
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impact
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the children's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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, so that will reduce the number of addicts. some researchers said that teenagers are easily played with their thoughts by foreign
people
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other individuals in the countries suggested that when they
deals
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deal
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 with different addicting kind by sending them to the hospital to take their medicine and quit
drugs
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, it will be better to improve the
citizen
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citizens
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 to be more
significent
Correct your spelling
significant
 to other
people
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 by providing him a chance to be healthier and improve his skills as soon as possible.
For example
Linking Words
, doctors in the
central
Capitalize word
Central
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 Care Unit (CCU) hospital said that addicting nation who were treated in the hospital after they survived, became more ambitious in their jobs. In my opinion, if all addicting let them quit
drugs
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 by sending them to a hospital, it will be healthier for the countries
of
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to
show examples
 provide large products and instruments, that can improve the Ministry of Health evaluation and raise awareness of teenagers
from
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about
show examples
drugs
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,
such
Linking Words
 as teachers in the middle east always tried to improve their students in the school from
drugs
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 by told them, if you took alcohol and
drugs
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 you would be loss your immune system, nervous system, and they will be a loser in the future carrier. In conclusion, one way of treating addiction is by sending them to prison to take their punishment, another way is by sending them to CCU hospital to treat their body and be more significant in society, From my
perspective
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perspective,
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 the
last
Linking Words
 suggestion is very logical and practical to be as method of students impacts.

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task achievement
Your thesis statement could be clearer in expressing your opinion on the issue. Make sure you explicitly state your stance in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your arguments. Use linking words and phrases to help connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples, especially in the body paragraphs, to support your points and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
You effectively presented both views on how to treat drug addicts, showing an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points of your essay, reinforcing your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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