IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advertising discourages people being different individuals by making us all want to the same and look the same. do you agree or disagree

Advertising prevents people from being different individuals by making us all
to
Change preposition
apply
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the same. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. I will discuss significant reasons
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how
Correct word choice
why
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 customers can be unique
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
avertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
advertisement
. On one hand, there are many common reasons
Correct pronoun usage
that offers
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offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 various ideas and views of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
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 they see several advertising
brand
Change to a plural noun
brands
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 on
television
Add an article
the television
a television
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screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
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. But, they do not affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
applying them
similar
Change the adjective
similarly
show examples
. The main reason to support the claim is the public
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 different visions and
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 when they think or look forward a local or global advertising.
In other words
Linking Words
, often the watcher of perfume or accessories advertising on media platforms tries to make a new addition to their products
such
Linking Words
 as changing the
color
Change the spelling
colour
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 or the material in what they bought
on
Change preposition
apply
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whither
Correct your spelling
whether
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 from online advertising or original purchasing.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 my brother bought a car
last
Linking Words
 week from
Add an article
an influencer
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influencer
Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
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 on social media
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
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.
However
Linking Words
, he changed the model of the car after he
purchased
Correct pronoun usage
purchased it
show examples
. Usually, he loves new
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
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 but refuses similarity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a lot of popular markets use some techniques to attract viewers' attention.
As a result
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Add a missing verb
are addict
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addict
Replace the word
addicted
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 to
follow
Verb problem
apply
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their services. To illustrate the shopkeepers of a local shop attempt
make
Verb problem
to do
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 a trick
for persuading
Change preposition
to persuade
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 customers.
For example
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 week, I decided to buy a watch from an account on
a
Remove the article
apply
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twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
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.
However
Linking Words
, I
surprised
Add a missing verb
was surprised
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 when I went to
real
Add an article
a real
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 shop, I saw an expensive price
each
Change preposition
for each
show examples
 piece of
watch
Correct article usage
the watch
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, the owner of
market
Add an article
the market
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 in
this
Linking Words
 case
try
Change the verb form
tries
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 to
acquiring
Wrong verb form
acquire
show examples
 many viewers to
seeing
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 their exact products. And after
that
Add a comma
that,
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 the audience can choose another In conclusion, despite,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 noticeable appearance in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.But, it can not make
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same look.

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task achievement
Clarify your main points and ensure they are well-developed. Each paragraph should have a clear focus related to your thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure by clearly separating your ideas into distinct paragraphs. Use transitions to connect your thoughts more fluently.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work to catch small grammatical errors and enhance clarity in your writing.
task achievement
Your essay expresses a clear opinion against the statement, which is an essential part of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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