IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that having a conversation on a mobile phone in a public or crowded place should be banned. Others feel that we should be able to talk wherever we like. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is undeniable that mobile phones have become an essential tool for communication in daily life.
While
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 some argue that receiving calls in public or crowded places should be banned, others believe that individual
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the right to utilise their phones freely, regardless
their
Change preposition
of their
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 location. In my opinion, I firmly disagree with restricting human rights
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in communicating time.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and express my viewpoint. On one hand,
On the other hand
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, In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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,

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task achievement
Develop your main points further with more detail. Expand on the reasons for each perspective and include specific examples to support your views.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically connected. Use linking phrases to enhance the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include a strong conclusion that summarizes your thoughts and reinforces your stance clearly. Avoid vague phrases.
task achievement
You clearly identify the topic and present both sides of the argument in your introduction, which is a good start.
task achievement
Your opinion is stated as part of the introduction, which helps guide the reader about your stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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