IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that only government could make changes in society and individuals can not do anything to new develpment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Changing societies is no longer the
government
Use synonyms
's work; there are many factors affecting
people
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's lives.
Although
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 some
people
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 think that only the
government
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 can make a difference in the community, individuals are helpless to make any development. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I totally disagree with
this
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 concept by providing reasons and relevant examples. In the past, the
government
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 played a big role in
people
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's lives; currently, public opinions and beliefs depend on several criteria,
such
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 as celebrities, influencers, and the
media
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. Starting with celebrities,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have a magnificent impact on individuals and societies.
For instance
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, they can pass their ideas through the
media
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 or social
media
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 apps, and a part of the community believes in what they offer to them, or their dress style, in some cases, becomes a trend.
Thus
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, new developments can occur. The second reason is that influencers on social
media
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 can make changes. To illustrate, one famous person on Twitter in a particular field, like sports, has the ability to encourage or change public opinion toward a person or club.
Finally
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,
people
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 can affect each other when they are exposed to other
people
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 or other cultures. Because of globalisation, the whole world is like a small village. An ideal example of
this
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 is those who travel around the world; they have better and more comprehensive notions about many aspects of life.
To sum
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up
Add a comma
up,
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 briefly, the
government
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 is not the only entity responsible for changes
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 societies and
people
Use synonyms
. There are many things that make a difference. I strongly disagree with the statement,
according to
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 the reasons and examples provided.

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Task Response
The introduction clearly states your disagreement, which is good. However, try to make your position even stronger by stating the importance of individual actions in society.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your conclusion, you could reinforce your argument by summarizing your main points more clearly. This makes it easy for the reader to understand your key ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences could be shorter or simpler for better flow. Try to connect your ideas more smoothly to help guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
You provide good examples of how individuals can influence society, such as celebrities and influencers, which strengthens your argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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