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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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Students, formerly, completed higher education domestically.
However
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, they now have the chance to study abroad.
This
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 essay will discuss the pros and cons of
this
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 development. One significant advantage is the
increase
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increased
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 exposure to different
culture
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cultures
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. Studying abroad allows
student
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students
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 to immerse themselves in
new
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a new
the new
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 environment, leading to greater cultural awareness and adaptability.
For example
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, a European scholar studying in Japan learned about the work culture, where employees are highly dedicated and work long hours, which is different from most European countries.
In addition
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, it opens up new networking and career opportunities. International students often have access to a broader professional network, leading to enhanced job opportunities in a globalized job market.
For example
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, young people from Africa are exposed to the possibility of applying to multinational companies in the US or Canada.
On the other hand
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, some demerits should not be overlooked. One major
drawbacks
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drawback
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 is the high cost of study in the developed countries. Even if the pupils are accepted into an overseas program, the financial pressure
prevent
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prevents
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 them from pursuing the opportunity.
Moreover
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, homesickness can significantly affect the mental condition.
For instance
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, students facing a language barrier may struggle to make new friends, potentially leading to demotivation to continue their studies. In conclusion,
while
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 the extreme cost and mental health problems are the two main boundaries to studying abroad, these issues can often be addressed through proper planning and support services.
Whereas
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, the option to experience
different
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a different
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 culture and gain
international
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an international
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 career
,
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apply
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 outweighs these drawbacks, which could contribute greatly to personal development.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on your main points to provide a clearer understanding of the advantages and disadvantages. This will strengthen the clarity and depth of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistent sentence structure and variation in your phrasing to enhance the flow of your ideas. This will contribute to a more coherent essay.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay for grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'drwbacks' instead of 'drawbacks' and 'increase exposure to different culture' instead of 'increased exposure to different cultures' so that your ideas are communicated more effectively and clearly.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to illustrate your points, which added richness to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural awareness
  • adaptability
  • academic opportunities
  • specialized programs
  • prestigious courses
  • language proficiency
  • professional network
  • globalized job market
  • personal development
  • independence
  • life skills
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