IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.Summarize the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.Summarize the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates data about differences in
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
 percentages around New Zealand from 1901 to the current year,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 anticipating the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2101. In general, it is evident that
Use synonyms
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 had a significant upward pattern in the early years of the given timeline.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 saw the same trend and will take over with a consistent increase
while
Linking Words
 the counterpart is predicted to slowly descend. In terms of
birth
Use synonyms
 percentage, it
initially
Linking Words
 had a modest figure of 20
units
Use synonyms
 in 1901. Over the next few years, it gradually increased before experiencing a substantial surge, peaking at more than 60
units
Use synonyms
 in 1961.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend started to slow down and fluctuated in the following years, projecting
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 equivalent of around 49
units
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
a death
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 in 2041 before being surpassed.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
birth
Add an article
the birth
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 will end up with approximately 45
units
Use synonyms
 in 2101.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 of the resident had seen a stable escalation in the past, transitioning from below 10
units
Use synonyms
 in 1901 to more than 30
units
Use synonyms
 during 2021. Because of
this
Linking Words
, the number was
in projection
Wrong verb form
projected
show examples
 to be followed up with a massive leap, culminating at roughly 57
units
Use synonyms
 in the final year of the given period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death, rate, units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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