IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people belive that there should be fixed punishments for each types of crime. others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and thr motivation for committing it, shold always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment

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There is no doubt that
punishments
Use synonyms
 are effective in today’s world because of various reasons. It is widely argued that some fixed
punishments
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 ensure fairness,
while
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 others believe that considering the context of each
crime
Use synonyms
 leads to a more just legal system. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the previous point of view, as I believe that the justice system should consider conditions when deciding the penalties. First of all,
it is clear that
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 a number of people support a theory of the role of the case for fixed
punishments
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.
In other words
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, if every
crime
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 has a penalty it
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduces
show examples
 the chances
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 sentencing.
This
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 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 fixed
punishments
Use synonyms
 can
act as
Verb problem
play
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 a critical role
to classify
Change preposition
in classifying
show examples
 offences and
decide
Wrong verb form
deciding
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 the consequences for them.
For example
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, terrorist activities like the one which happened on 9/11 would lead to direct encounters or life imprisonment.
According to
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 a recent study by
sultan
Capitalize word
Sultan
show examples
 Qaboos
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
, approximately 45% of criminals felt guilty after committing crimes, which made them stop committing them again.
On the other hand
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, it is generally recognized that the circumstances and the motivation
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 committing a
crime
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 should be considered when deciding on the punishment. A key reason for
this
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 is that fixed
punishments
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 are necessary in order to reduce the number of crimes and force people to live in a good way
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 following the rules.
For instance
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, stealing to survive is different from stealing for profit. It would be unfair if they get the same punishment.
In addition
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, in 2014, an incident
by
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apply
show examples
against a college student became infamous globally because of the nature of the gang assault committed which ultimately led to a change in law. In conclusion, considering the nature of
crime
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a seriously positive impact on
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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. I generally agree with the point of view, as I believe that taking everything into consideration when deciding on the punishment.
However
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, I fully encourage
that
Correct word choice
apply
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both
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and individuals
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
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 important
acts
Replace the word
actions
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 towards
punishments
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your introduction presents both views well, but could be more concise and clear. Try to paraphrase the topic statement more effectively.
task response
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each point is well-developed with clear explanations and relevant examples. Some examples are somewhat vague or unclear. For example, the study you mentioned could use more explanation to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes your key points more clearly and uses a more definitive statement regarding your stance.
coherence and cohesion
To improve the flow of your essay, consider using linking words and phrases more effectively between sentences and paragraphs. This can help with coherence.
task response
You have presented a balanced view of the topic, acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is a positive aspect of your essay.
task response
Your examples, particularly the reference to the 9/11 attacks and the context of poverty in stealing, show a good attempt to connect real-world instances to your argument, enhancing your points.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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