IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while other think it is waste of time.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Art
Use synonyms
 is an integral part of cultural heritage or traditions. Some
people
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 argue that
art
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 is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 subject for
adolsence
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adolescence
 at learning
institues
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institutes
however
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think it is not worth it .
Although
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 due to the job insecurity in
art
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 parents think it is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of time , studying
art
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 has the potential to
boosts
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boost
show examples
Add an article
the
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productivity of the mind .I believe
,
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apply
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it is important to learn about
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
art
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 in schools for children ,
government
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the government
show examples
 should
initivate
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initiate
and
encourages
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encourage
show examples
people
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 towards studying
art
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 . Without a doubt , the prevalence of science and technology in
todays's
Correct your spelling
today's
 society has overshadowed the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
of
art
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. In
this
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 sense ,
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the
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demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 doctors, engineers and
enterpours
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enter ours
enter-pours
 increased than before,
leadind
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leading
 to
less
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fewer
show examples
 job
opportunties
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opportunities
 and low earnings in
artwork
Add an article
the artwork
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 .
This
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to
people
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think
Wrong verb form
thinking
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 there is no growth in
art
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 industries thereby
art
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overwhelmimg
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overwhelming
burden
Correct article usage
the burden
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 of studies.
For example
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, in India
due to
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 rapid growth in tech and
medcial
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medical
media
 sectors
Add a comma
,
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most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
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persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their studies
ethier
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either
 medical or
non medical
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non-medical
show examples
 after completing
highschool
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high school
show examples
.
Onthe
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On the
 other hand ,
while
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 modernisation is inevitable , it should not come at the expense of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
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 as it is
Correct article usage
a valueable
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valueable
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valuable
 asset for any nation's
culter
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culture
.Not only that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
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 studying other subjects
along with
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art
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such
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 as paintings and music
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the productivity of the mind which eventually helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
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 in
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 subjects as well.
For example
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 , there is an article published
last
Linking Words
 year which shows
students
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 who studied
art
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 with other subjects got better grades than other
students
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.
To
Change preposition
In
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 conclusion,
due to
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 low growth in artwork
Add a comma
,
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people
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 think it is
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
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burdern
Correct your spelling
burden
 on
students
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 and
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time
while
Linking Words
 others think
art
Use synonyms
 makes
mind
Add an article
the mind
show examples
 more creative which is beneficial for
students
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while
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 studying.I personally believe,
by
Correct word choice
that by
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 implementing more career policies and launching nationwide awareness campaigns ,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can shape
people
Use synonyms
's attitudes towards teaching
art
Use synonyms
 as an important subject in schools.

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coherence
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly; use paragraphs effectively to separate different points.
coherence
Ensure clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Enhance your vocabulary and grammar accuracy; small errors occasionally hinder clarity and cohesion.
task achievement
You have provided both sides of the argument well, which shows good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated, which adds a personal touch to your writing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
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