IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or dis agree? What other measure do you think might be effective.

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It is often argued that the growth of the
cost
Use synonyms
 of gasoline is an effective way to reduce those issues. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with that statement, as I believe that the increase in petrol price can impact negatively individuals.
However
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, there are other useful methods to solve those problems, like improving the transportation network and encourage using eco-friendly vehicles. First of all, it is widely recognized that raising the gasoline
cost
Use synonyms
 can be a burden on people with low incomes.
In other words
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, some people seem to have poor wages to cover their only basic needs.
This
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 is because of their limited salaries.
For example
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, the person who earns 1000 $ monthly can’t stand the 100 $ as an increase in the petrol price.
As a result
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, he or she would cut one of their needs to cover the life expenses.
Furthermore
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,
it is clear that
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 the growth of the
cost
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 wouldn’t be the best way for some developing countries which can’t provide alternative transportation at an affordable payment. A key reason for
this
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 is that the
cost
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 of providing those kinds of facilities is very high.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a recent study by Sultan Qaboos University, approximately 45% of countries haven’t convenient transportation. In conclusion, I generally disagree that increasing of petrol price is a beneficial method to reduce pollution and traffic jams.
In contrast
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, I believe that the development of the public transport network and the use of eco-friendly vehicles can solve the air pollution and traffic jams better.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your main points more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. For example, words like 'moreover' or 'in addition' can help connect ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure that your supporting examples are diverse and illustrate different aspects of your argument.
task achievement
Your essays presents a clear stance on the issue, showing your opinion effectively.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your arguments, which is a strong point.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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