IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

An increasing number of people are now using the Internet to meet new people and socialize. Some people think this has brought people closer together, while others think people are becoming more isolated. Discuss both views and give your opinion. GiaLinh

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are different opinions about whether the
Internet
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 connect or makes them more isolated. Some individuals believe that online communication has brought
people
Use synonyms
 closer together, others argue that excessive use of the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has led to a decline in face-to-face interactions, and more disconnected from real-life relationships. The two aforementioned views will be discussed thoroughly in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. On one hand, the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has transformed the way
people
Use synonyms
 communicate. Social media platforms, messaging apps, and video calls allow individuals to stay connected regardless of physical distance.
For example
Linking Words
, families who live in different countries can talk daily through video chats, making them feel emotionally closer. Online communities
also
Linking Words
 help
people
Use synonyms
 with similar interests or problems to support each other. Many friendships and even romantic relationships have started online, showing that the
Internet
Use synonyms
 can be a great tool for building connections.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are shy or socially anxious may find it easier to interact with others online, where they feel more comfortable expressing themselves.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, excessive reliance on online communication can lead to isolation. Some
people
Use synonyms
 spend too much time on their phones or computers, which reduces the amount of time they interact with others in person.
Instead
Linking Words
 of going out and meeting friends, they may prefer to scroll through social media or chat online.
This
Linking Words
 can weaken real-life relationships and make
people
Use synonyms
 feel lonely, as online friendships are not always as deep or meaningful as face-to-face connections.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social media can create a false sense of connection, where
people
Use synonyms
 have many virtual friends but lack genuine
emotional
Replace the word
emotions
show examples
 in real life. Studies have shown that spending too much time online can lead to mental health issues like depression and anxiety, which
further
Linking Words
 contribute to social isolation. In conclusion, the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has both positive and negative effects. It can help
people
Use synonyms
 stay connected, but it is important to balance online and offline interactions. In my opinion, If
people
Use synonyms
 use the
Internet
Use synonyms
 wisely, it can be a great tool for socializing without replacing real-life connections.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the two sides of the debate. Consider expanding your thesis statement to clarify your stance more explicitly. This could enhance the clarity of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While you have logically structured your paragraphs, consider using more cohesive devices to link your ideas. Words like 'however,' 'furthermore,' and 'on the contrary' can help提升 the flow between contrasting ideas.
task achievement
You provided solid points, but incorporating more specific examples or statistics could strengthen your arguments further, especially regarding the mental health aspect of excessive internet use.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs dedicated to each viewpoint and a strong conclusion that states your opinion.
task achievement
Your exploration of both perspectives is comprehensive, and you articulate your points in a clear, understandable manner.
task achievement
You effectively use examples to illustrate how the internet can aid connections, such as families communicating across borders.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: