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Writing Samples
Band 5

An increasing number of people are now using the Internet to meet new people and socialize. Some people think this has brought people closer together, while others think people are becoming more isolated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.TH

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In modern society, there are opposing views about the Internet’s benefits.
While
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someone
Correct your spelling
some
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 believe that the Internet connects
social become
Wrong verb form
society
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 closer, others feel that
this
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 makes an individual leave the real
world
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. Two aforementioned views will be discussed in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. On the one hand, I am of the opinion that people’s relationships will be improved more significantly thanks to cyberspace. The first reason is Internet is a place where we can find out and make friends with everyone in the
world
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. Social networks are global applications,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 appear everywhere, so it’s not difficult for us to come across a new friend.
Moreover
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, each social platform applies Artificial Intelligence which can know
ones’
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one’s
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 hobbies and regular habits.
Thus
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this
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 will suggest for them new relationships of their age who have the same interests and concerns.
Furthermore
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,
Use synonyms
World
Correct article usage
the World
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 Wide Web seems a bridge which helps citizens contact and chat together when they have geographic barriers.
For instance
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, overseas students can call and converse with their families
by
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via
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 Messenger, FaceTime and Instagram.
On the other hand
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, there are many reasons why people feel that the distance of humans will be split.
Firstly
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, a large of the public is caught up in the
world
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 without knowing the stop, they waste most of their time staring at the screen of their phone.
Therefore
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, they gradually separate their relationships in real life.
In addition
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, social platforms are the reason which reduces the motivation to participate in social activities, most of their energy is spent on online games or Facebook.
For example
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, at a psychological clinic of HOPE, 80% of patients here are children who tend to use social networks for more than 10 hours a day. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
World
Correct article usage
the World
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 Wide Web has enough advantages and disadvantages. And
it’s
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its
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 consequences depended on human usage. But in my view, the internet still will bring a variety of benefits if we operate correctly.

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task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your arguments by ensuring your main points are well-defined and thoroughly articulated.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all sentences flow smoothly into each other to enhance the readability of your paragraphs.
task achievement
You have presented both views clearly, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as overseas students using messaging apps, supports your arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
  • Virtual marketplace
  • Cybersecurity
  • Digital footprint
  • Return policy
  • Comparison shopping
  • Customer reviews
  • Retail therapy
  • Logistics
  • User interface
  • Payment gateway
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