IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Alternative energy sources that use natural power of the wind, waves and sun are too expensive and complicated to replace the coal, oil and gas that we use to power our cities and transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Today,
due to
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 the extremely increasing Global warming issue all around the world, most
countries
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 suggest moving to green
energy
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,
however
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, it might cause numerous economic consequences. I suppose, that despite the complicated path, the benefits these transitions will bring are much more profitable.
To begin
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 with, gas emissions cause devastating effects on the atmosphere particularly on the ozone layer. Manufacture facilities that produce
energy
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 through gas coal and oil, release 60 per cent of emissions to the environment,
thus
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, experts recommend changing
energy
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 economics to renewable
resources
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.
Nevertheless
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, it is evident that power buildings consume too many
resources
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, are extremely expensive and effective to the country’s policy, and still do not guarantee effectiveness in particular places,
such
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 as India or Russia.
Countries
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 that export gas and oil
such
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 as
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and Russia are dependent on exhaustible power and are not able to move on to natural
energy
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. On the other hand, other
countries
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,
for instance
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, Canada, already had a huge shift in
this
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 perspective.
Moreover
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, more than 60 per cent of the total
energy
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 economy is already on water and wind
resources
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. To make the path, more convenient and safe, national strategies,
such
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 as “
Energy
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 2060” are the right options.
This
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 tendency shows how effective the transition can be , and in case
countries
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 help each other to reach the clean
energy
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 policy, the total devastation might decrease in scale, and help to create a tolerant healthy world. In conclusion, the renewable
energy
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 transition is a significant solution for the global conditions, and in case every region will reasonably distribute their
resources
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, including time and finances, it will be possible to sustain
this
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 system.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples and data to support your points, particularly in regards to the economic consequences of transitioning to renewable energy. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your paragraphs by ensuring each point transitions smoothly to the next. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the main issue and presents your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well and reiterates the importance of renewable energy transition.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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