IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Many retired people today are choosing to live in other countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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Nowadays elderly people are going abroad
for living
Change preposition
to live
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 their retirement life. Now I will compare
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 and drawbacks to travel in other countries.
However
Linking Words
, senior
sitizens
Correct your spelling
citizens
 have started moving from their native land towards other countries after their retirement. First of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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retirement pensioners
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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become depressed by having no goals something to achieve. In
this
Linking Words
 case, pensioners should
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
travel abroad to new how is life and
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 country gives a new meaning to their lives with the new duties that need to be fulfilled.
For instance
Linking Words
, after 60 more people successfully cope with depression, If they have
a new motives
Correct the article-noun agreement
a new motive
new motives
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 to achieve.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the biggest
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
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 these foreigners have is related to the health risk
at
Change preposition
in
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 their old age. Many argue that it is beneficial for the elderly to move
somewhere-else
Correct your spelling
somewhere else
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 when they reach a certain age. Many
retires
Correct your spelling
retirees
show examples
 may
fare
Correct your spelling
face
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 difficulties adapting to a new culture and language. Living abroad often means being
for
Correct your spelling
far
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 away from family and friends.
In addition
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
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order
Add a comma
order,
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 people shouldn't travel as travelling is dangerous for them.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction should clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages. Consider rephrasing your thesis statement for clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that you provide clear examples to support your ideas, making your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs more clearly; each should focus on a single idea and relate back to the main question.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages effectively, which demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of specific phrases to describe the experiences of retired individuals shows a good effort to add depth to your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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