IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible
to educate
Change preposition
for educating
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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,
while
Linking Words
 others think
such
Linking Words
 learning is best
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
obtained from formal education. In my opinion, both family and school significantly contribute to
children
Use synonyms
's development as both are integral to the end result of
this
Linking Words
 matter. On the one hand,
parents
Use synonyms
 are
children
Use synonyms
's first educators, I believe. At
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age, kids tend to mimic what they see from their
parents
Use synonyms
. Not only in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 form of verbal
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
, but a child
also
Linking Words
 observes body gestures and facial expressions.
As a result
Linking Words
, mothers and fathers immediately become role models for their
children
Use synonyms
 as they
subconsiously
Correct your spelling
subconsciously
 influence
children
Use synonyms
's behaviour through daily interactions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential for
parents
Use synonyms
 to cultivate positive values,
such
Linking Words
 as gratitude, respect, and honesty, that are going to help
children
Use synonyms
 to bring
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact to society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, more real-life situations are likely to be found at school as it gives students exposure to a more diverse environment. It is through activities in class
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 can learn how to collaborate with others and
also
Linking Words
 to respect differences in opinions and ideas.
In addition
Linking Words
, from assignments and exams,
for instance
Linking Words
, students are taught how to be responsible. These examples demonstrate how
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
takes
Verb problem
play
show examples
 a significant part in
children
Use synonyms
's personal development. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, families play a big part in forming
children
Use synonyms
's
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 and traits as personal beliefs are built at
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age.
However
Linking Words
, without proper formal
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
,
children
Use synonyms
 might face difficulties when facing real-life problems with heterogenous circumstances.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 and
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 institutions have a crucial role in teaching
children
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistency in your word choice and spelling to improve clarity and coherence (e.g., 'some people' instead of 'some poeple' and 'conclusion' instead of 'conlusion').
task achievement
Elaborate more on your ideas with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance the flow of your ideas and keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
You effectively present both sides of the argument and provide a balanced view, which is important for task completion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your opinion, setting a good foundation for the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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