IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any

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Oil
Use synonyms
 has become a primary source of energy production,major countries are spending big
sum
Fix the agreement mistake
sums
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 in the search
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 crude
oil
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that it is
adviseable
Correct your spelling
advisable
show examples
 to
uitilze
Correct your spelling
utilise
this
Linking Words
 part of
money
Use synonyms
 for the development of renewable sources like solar
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 and wind power. First and
formost
Correct your spelling
foremost
,
oil
Use synonyms
 is not only sustainable but
also
Linking Words
 damaging the environment which is one of the suppresing
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 companies spend
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 to locate,extract and clean that
oil
Use synonyms
 and people purchase it for their daily basis
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
. it leading
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cause of climate change, contributing to greenhouse gas emissions,air
pollurtion
Correct your spelling
pollution
, and ecological destruction.
In contrast
Linking Words
, renewable
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 like solar and wind are clean and sustainable, reducing the negative effects on the planet.Countries like Germany and Sweden have
alrready
Correct your spelling
already
 installed and significantly
contributing
Wrong verb form
contributed
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the reduction of carbon emissions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, renewable energy is becoming increasingly
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
show examples
.
Advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
Advancements
show examples
 in
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 significantly lowered the cost of solar panels and wind turbines, making them viable alternatives to fossil fuels.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, investing in renewables not only
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 new job opportunities which will help to eliminate unemployment but
also
Linking Words
 will reduce the dependence on
oil
Use synonyms
possesed
Correct your spelling
possessed
Change preposition
by nation
show examples
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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along with
Linking Words
 economic growth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people who are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
to invest
Change preposition
of investing
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to find
oil
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 meets the emergency needs of any country and replacing it will bring a sudden scarcity of
electrcity
Correct your spelling
electricity
 which will reduce the
productvity
Correct your spelling
productivity
 of any business and economic growth of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
gradual changes in
this
Linking Words
 system are suggestable. In conclusion, it can be said that there is no doubt that
oil
Use synonyms
 has become
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 vital part of every industry but environmental damage can not be ignored. Government and people should take collective actions to install renewable
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of energy for the betterment of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.

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grammar
Make sure to proofread for errors in spelling and grammar, such as 'adviseable' (advisable), 'uitilze' (utilize), 'suppresing' (suppressing), 'first and formost' (first and foremost), and 'pollurtion' (pollution). These errors can affect clarity and professionalism.
structure
Your introduction could be clearer in outlining your main argument. Consider explicitly stating your position on the issue, such as 'I strongly believe that more money should be invested in renewable energy sources instead of searching for oil.' This will help the reader understand your perspective from the outset.
cohesion
In your body paragraphs, remember to link your statements back to your main argument more clearly. While you have provided valid points about the environmental and economic benefits of renewable energy, make sure each point relates directly back to why this investment should replace oil exploration.
content
To improve your conclusion, restate the main points more clearly and emphasize the importance of action. For example, you could mention specific steps that governments could take to facilitate a transition to renewable energy, thereby making your conclusion more impactful.
examples
You have provided some relevant examples such as the successful implementation of renewable energy in countries like Germany and Sweden, which strengthens your argument.
relevance
Your discussion of the environmental impacts of oil and the cost-effectiveness of renewable energy sources is relevant and timely, reflecting a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
What to do next:
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