IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parents buy their kids a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages of a child having a large number of toys?

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These days parents present their
love
Use synonyms
 for kids by
give
Change the verb form
giving
show examples
 them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
toy
Fix the agreement mistake
toys
show examples
.
day
Capitalize word
Day
show examples
 by day the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
toys
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 I will
spot
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
light on the pros and cons in my essay.
in addition
Linking Words
 ,during
this
Linking Words
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 a lot of
toys
Use synonyms
are appeared
Change to the active voice
appear
show examples
 on the market ,parents should find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 game for their
child
Use synonyms
 and never give them a large number of
toys
Use synonyms
.
it
Capitalize word
It
show examples
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Add an article
the effect
an effect
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
personalty
Correct your spelling
personality
show examples
 in the future in
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 the
child
Use synonyms
 will think he will get every
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 he
Use synonyms
love
Change the verb form
loves
show examples
 and the parents should
obay
Correct your spelling
obey
 his order without any aware about it.
in
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the
child
Use synonyms
 will never feel about
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 of his
toys
Use synonyms
 and he will never care about
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
 :if
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 his
child
Use synonyms
 a gift (car)
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his birthday if it first time his son
receive
Change the verb form
receives
show examples
 it will be happy and more pleassing for
this
Linking Words
 moment and it will be unforgettable but the opposite reaction will happen if the
child
Use synonyms
 already having a lot of cars in his play room.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the flip side,the good impact is that the
child
Use synonyms
 will find it fun and he will
Add a missing verb
be interest
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 having these
toys
Use synonyms
 he will be more busy with his games and maybe will try asking for more and more
with out
Correct your spelling
without
show examples
 any limit to express his
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
.
by
Change preposition
In
show examples
 any
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 the disadvantages
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more than
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,if you never care about the
limited
Replace the word
limits
show examples
 of
the any things
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
 it will
gave
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 you
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unclear way
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 your life never show
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
love
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the materials and other staff when you
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 say
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your kids I
love
Use synonyms
 you they should feel it on their heart first especially on the first their life .

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by clearly separating your paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages. Consider using topic sentences in each paragraph to clarify your main ideas.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by elaborating more on each point. For example, you could explain why it's important for children to understand the value of their toys in more depth.
task achievement
You provide a thoughtful exploration of both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced view of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of examples, like the birthday gift scenario, illustrates your points well and adds depth to your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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