IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but they should be concerned about the quality work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that quality
work
Use synonyms
 should be more important for employers than
workers
Use synonyms
' appearance. Partially agreeing with
this
Linking Words
 statement, I believe that in some
jobs
Use synonyms
 a qualified outcome is the main goal for employers.
While
Linking Words
 in other occupations unsuitable dressing undermines the
overall
Linking Words
 results. Expecting
workers
Use synonyms
 to wear formally and smartly in manufacturing
jobs
Use synonyms
 is excessively impractical. The certainty of attire contamination and tearing of clothes in some
jobs
Use synonyms
, forcing
workers
Use synonyms
 to attend to the workplace with tidy clothes demands permanent washing or replacing them. Salient examples of
this
Linking Words
 are construction
workers
Use synonyms
, mine labourers or farmers, who have to
work
Use synonyms
 in untidy or polluted circumstances, making observing these criteria impossible. in some
jobs
Use synonyms
 the quality of
work
Use synonyms
 should be the main aim,
otherwise
Linking Words
, redundant compulsion will lead to environmental damage.
Conversely
Linking Words
, socializing with tremendous clients,
Use synonyms
jobs
Correct word choice
and jobs
show examples
 in finance or hospitality necessitate dressing up professionally. Dressing up improperly negatively impacts the quality of
work
Use synonyms
. Wearing dirty clothes, a waiter/waitress can make clients pessimist about the excellence of served food and services despite the presence of a qualified chef.
Similarly
Linking Words
, involving interactions with investors and other businessmen, bank clerks are expected to wear formal suits. Admittedly, having supervision on
workers
Use synonyms
' clothing may be tediously challenging.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, those influences highlight the importance of enacting strict rules regarding the employees' appearance, ensuring the sustainability and prosperity of businesses. In conclusion, with the nature of some
jobs
Use synonyms
 obviating the essence of managerial control over closings, in other
jobs
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 issue should be supervised comprehensively because any negligence could cost businesses their reputation and loss of customers. So, rather than generalizing a rule to all
jobs
Use synonyms
, recognizing and developing ways of increasing efficiency are more advisable.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Enhance the clarity of your arguments by explicitly stating your viewpoint in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. Some readers may appreciate a clearer indication of your perspective throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using linking phrases to guide the reader through your reasoning.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, which will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive. Ensure that your examples are directly related to the claims you make.
General
The essay presents a balanced view of the topic, addressing both sides of the argument. This is a strong approach that demonstrates critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: