IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the number of heat-related illness suffered by high school students per 100 000 sports events in central US states. The line graph shows the average temperatures for one year in a central US state. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of heat-related illness suffered by high school students per 100 000 sports events in central US states. The line graph shows the average temperatures for one year in a central US state. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The aforementioned chart illustrates the average of 100,000 sports events of high school students who suffered from heat-related illness in the central US states. Meanwhile, the line graph presents the number of temperature ranges throughout one year.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data shows a significant peak in heat-related illness during the month of August.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in the line graph, the highest temperature occurred in the month of July. On the one hand, the figure of cases in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heat-related is generally low for most years, approximately
around
Rephrase
apply
show examples
1 to 15 per
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the highest amount of health issues was nearly 70 in August. The lowest one was in Feb, which has no report of people being infected.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the line graph indicates that the rate rose from January to July and a decline afterwards. The highest
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
 occurred in July and August, around 90°F and 95°F.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: