IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In Britain, when someone gets old, they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the UK, when a
person
Use synonyms
 becomes old, they often go to live in a house with other elderly
people
Use synonyms
, and there are nurses to take care of them. Sometimes state has to pay for
this
Linking Words
 nursing. I personally feel that the
government
Use synonyms
 should take responsibility for
this
Linking Words
 payment, not the family because these old
people
Use synonyms
 have already contributed to the family and the economy, and most of the time the expenses of looking after an old
person
Use synonyms
 are high, and the family cannot bear it. The state should pay for the nursing of old
people
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 because they
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
 a lot of
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 to the family and the economy. When these old
people
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 were young, they were responsible citizens. They worked, earned and paid taxes, which allowed them to look after their
families
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 and the economy and their taxes
enhances
Wrong verb form
enhanced
show examples
 the development of the country.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Australia, the
government
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 shares around 80% of the
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 nursing
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each old
person
Use synonyms
 in
age-care
Correct article usage
an age-care
show examples
 home and that expenditure comes from the paid taxes of that old
person
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the cost of taking care of elderly
people
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 is exorbitant and only
families
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 should not pay that huge amount of money. If a family has to afford the entire expenses of taking care of an elderly
person
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, that will be a huge financial strain for them.
As a result
Linking Words
, the nursing of the old
person
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 will experience neglect.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh, some old
people
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 experience severe
neglegence
Correct your spelling
negligence
 in their later lives because they are abandoned by their family members because their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 cannot cover the medical and nursing
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, I feel that the
government
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 should take responsibility for the nursing expenses of elderly
people
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 because the
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 so high to be fully covered by the
families
Use synonyms
 and old
people
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 deserve to be treated free of cost afforded by the
government
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 because they have already contributed to their
families
Use synonyms
 and the country.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to rephrase phrases like 'the state' and 'nursing' for variety and clarity. Consider using 'government' and 'elderly care' instead.
task achievement
Ensure all information is clearly connected and 'supported main points' are backed by more detailed explanations.
task achievement
Try to incorporate a broader range of examples or studies from different countries to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Good understanding of the issues surrounding elderly care and good examples provided to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Well-structured overall, with a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your stance effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • Elderly care
  • Nursing homes
  • Social welfare
  • Intergenerational responsibility
  • Caregiving
  • Financial burden
  • Quality of life
  • Pension funds
  • Healthcare policy
  • Taxation
  • Subsidies
  • Private insurance
  • Long-term care
  • Sustainability
What to do next:
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