IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with the sentence?

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It is a popular belief that investment in
arts
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,
music
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 and theatre is non-profitable,
thus
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 governments
needs
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need
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 to fund more in public services. I strongly disagree with
this
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 notion as the cultural significance of various art forms should not be overlooked by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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.
Main
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The main
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 reason to support the financial aid to
arts
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 by the government is the economic benefits.
Music
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,
arts
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 and theatre attract numerous businesses,
tourism
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and tourism
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 and can increase
workforce
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the workforce
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. A dramatic increased interest in a south
korean
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Korean
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music
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 boy band "BTS",
succesed
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succeeded
to attract
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in attracting
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vast
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a vast
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 amount of audience to
vist
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visit
 and explore
south korea
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South Korea
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,
hence
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 it
boost
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boosted
show examples
 their various business. As a matter of fact, governments should provide constant support to these creative works, since it
also
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 offers
variety
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a variety
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 of
enteritainments
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entertainment
entertainments
 to
the
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apply
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mankind. Another key factor is the cultural significance of
arts
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,
music
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 and
theature
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theatre
 in
the
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apply
show examples
society
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. Negligence of these
arts
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 can
neagtively
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negatively
 impact
identity
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the identity
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 and heritage of the community.
Therefore
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,
government
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the government
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 should foster and conserve the sense of belonging and pride
of
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in
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 these
arts
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 within
the
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apply
show examples
society
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.
Eventhough
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Even though
, funding to
the
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apply
show examples
public
serives
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services
 like
as
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apply
show examples
health sectors are indeed vital, yet,
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
also
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plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 a pivotal role in public well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, art therapy in mental wellness is gaining popularity. In conclusion, a balanced approach
in
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to
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investment
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the investment
an investment
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of
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in
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 both public services and
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arts
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art
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 forms could lead to
more
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a more
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 well-rounded
society
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. Taking proactive steps by
government
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the government
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 will help ensure the long-term
existance
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existence
 of
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Correct article usage
the arts
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arts
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art
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 side by advancing public services.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all points are clearly articulated and connected in a seamless manner.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Consider expanding your conclusion to summarize your key points more effectively.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion and demonstrate your disagreement with the initial statement.
task achievement
Your points are relevant to the topic and clearly express the importance of arts in society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • investment
  • public services
  • cultural significance
  • identity
  • heritage
  • social welfare
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • tourism
  • revenue generation
  • healthcare
  • education
  • mental health
  • art therapy
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • well-being
  • balanced approach
What to do next:
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