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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

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Children
Use synonyms
's minds are full of curiosity and dreams, and in most
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 adults inform them that their dreams are achievable as long as they work for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 could empower them and boost their spirit to perform better, the reality does not always go that simple.
This
Linking Words
 “Everything is possible” mindset has raised a debate among individuals who agree and disagree
to tell
Change preposition
with telling
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 about
this
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will cover the pros and cons of indoctrinating
children
Use synonyms
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 message. Giving
children
Use synonyms
 the message from an early age will certainly bring positivity and motivation to their later life. It is
also
Linking Words
 strengthened by some studies indicating the success rate of people who have grit and strong willingness is higher than those who do not. Yet,
this
Linking Words
 grit is something that has been built since they were
children
Use synonyms
 by suitable parenting and strong motivation.
Other
Change the wording
Another
show examples
 advantage is that
children
Use synonyms
 will feel the urge to start working hard, in
this
Linking Words
 case, studying or
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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 their hobbies so they can be the best in their field, or
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
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 someone they adore the most.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by having
this
Linking Words
 mindset,
children
Use synonyms
 are encouraged to take a step directly rather than overthinking them first. Most importantly, it will help them to build their confidence and
self belief
Add a hyphen
self-belief
show examples
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is helpful in their adult life.
However
Linking Words
, in reality, it mostly requires not merely hard work but
also
Linking Words
 lies in other factors to achieve your dream.
Children
Use synonyms
 who have been told
this
Linking Words
 message will sooner or later face the truth of reality which sometimes can hit pretty bad. What comes
in
Change preposition
into
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 concern is whether they can survive when they struggle later on or get worse by demotivation as it is against what they have been believing all
this
Linking Words
 time.
This
Linking Words
 case
also
Linking Words
 explains why teenagers, the next stage after
children
Use synonyms
, often face mental health issues because they have
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
 tolerance
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 failure.

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task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your position on the issue. This will guide the reader on what to expect in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports a single main idea and that all ideas flow logically from one to the next for better coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help make your arguments more persuasive and relatable.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of the topic, discussing both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The writing demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures, making it engaging to read.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
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