Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?

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Contemporary

children

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are suffering from those diseases, which were regarded to only be meant for adults.

Obesity

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is a major health issue

Correct pronoun usage

that exist

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exist

Correct subject-verb agreement

exists

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among

children

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. The causes of

obesity

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are consuming

fast-

Correct your spelling

fast food

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food

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in today's fast-paced world and

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

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lifestyle. To tackle

this

Linking Words

problem,

childern

Correct your spelling

children

should develop the habit of consuming healthy

food

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and involve themselves in sports and outdoor

activities

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Children

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primarily depend on fast

food

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on a regular basis, which is the principal cause of

obesity

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. In today's fast-paced world, parents cannot manage time to prepare homemade

lunch

Fix the agreement mistake

lunches

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for their

children

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Therefore

Linking Words

children

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mostly consume fast

food

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in their lunch, which

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

full of fat and sugar. Another reason for

children

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being obese is

children

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are habituated

with

Change preposition

show examples

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

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lifestyle. They prefer screentime over outdoor

activities

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For instance

Linking Words

, in Bangladesh, the majority of

children

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in urban areas are obese because they are not interested in going to

playground

Add an article

the playground

a playground

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and

play

Wrong verb form

playing

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, rather they prefer being home and

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

video games

instead

Linking Words

. To solve

obesity

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children

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should develop the habit of having homemade

food

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, which are free of sugar and fat. A healthy homemade diet will allow

children

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to consume all required nutrients, which are beneficial for their health and prevent them from being obese.

Moreover

Linking Words

children

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should be encouraged to

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

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in outdoor

activities

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. They should participate in sports and outdoor

activities

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, which will keep them active and prevent them from becoming obese.

For example

Linking Words

, in Japan, the rate of

obesity

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among

children

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is very low because they are always inspired to

involve

Wrong verb form

be involved

show examples

in playing with their peers. In conclusion, the reasons for

obesity

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among

children

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are

children

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do not eat homemade

food

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and they prefer playing games

instead

Linking Words

of going outside. To handle

obesity

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among

children

Use synonyms

, they should participate in physical

activities

Use synonyms

and consume homemade

food

Use synonyms

which

are

Change the verb form

show examples

full of nutrients.

rahman_rehanaTue Feb 18 2025

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task achievement

Consider rephrasing the introduction for greater clarity. For example, instead of starting with 'Contemporary children are suffering from those diseases...', you could say 'Modern children are increasingly affected by diseases that were once confined to adults.' This will help clarify the topic right away.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples in the body of your essay to support your points. For instance, you could include statistics or studies to reinforce the claims you make about fast food consumption and sedentary lifestyles.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to proofread your writing for small spelling mistakes. For instance, there is a typo in 'childern' which should be 'children'. Such errors can distract from your overall argument.

coherence and cohesion

Try to enhance the logical flow of your arguments. For example, you could use linking phrases to connect ideas between sentences more smoothly.

task achievement

You clearly identify the causes and solutions for obesity, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

task achievement

The use of specific examples, such as referencing Bangladesh and Japan, adds depth to your argument and makes it more relatable for readers.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

302 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Obesity
Sedentary lifestyle
Prevalent
Genetic predisposition
Comfort eating
Screen time
Physical education
Nutritional education
Economic disparities
Food deserts
Subsidize
Advertising
Weight management
Junk food
Healthy food options
Physical activity
Body image
Counseling
Consumer education

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Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.

Some people think that we sould replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Movies with spectacular car chases are a thrill to watch and fun too but they have led to an increase in car accidents on urban roads. Do you agree? What do you think can be done to make the youth more aware of road safety?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?